The Random Megaman Parody Show: Fourth Run
by Metal Sonic EX
Summary: Originally designed as a short series, The Random Megaman Parody Show returns for a fourth glorious season. New Victims: The Megaman 9 Robot Masters and twelve of my own creations.
1. Introduction

The Random Megaman Parody Show: Fourth Run  
By: Metal Sonic EX

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the twelve Robot Masters listed below and the charcter of Metal Sonic EX himself.

* * *

(The entire cast of the Classic, X, Zero, ZX, Legends, and Battle Network series sit in a large theatre as MSX, wearing a tuxedo, walks onto the stage.)

MSX - I'll bet that you're wondering why I brought you all here?

Elecman - Let me guess. You finally decided to make another season of _Hell On Earth_?

MSX - -stands with jaw dropped- Spoilsport. Well, yeah. And this season is gonna be awesome!

Megaman.EXE - Why? You bringing in the Star Force series?

MSX - -hiss- I haven't played any games in the series, but I've heard that the series as a whole sucks. Unlike the ZX series...

Aile - I'm flattered...

MSX - Still, you're wrong. But, we are bringing in several new characters. Including...

(MSX pulls a large rope and the Megaman 9 Robot Masters fall into a pile on the stage.)

MSX - I smell the blood of a female Robot Master!

Splash Woman - I don't have blood, you moron.

MSX - Fiesty, isn't she? Oh, by the way. Guess what Aquaman!

Aquaman - What?

MSX - -grabs Jewel Man- A gayer Robot Master than you!

Jewel Man - Bastard...

MSX - Silence! -backhands Jewel Man-

Jewel Man - -in feminine tone- Why you... -clears throat and speaks in masculine tone- I mean, why you...

MSX - -struggling to hold back laughter-

Jewel Man - I repeat... Bastard...

Swordman - These new masters...?

MSX - Ah yes! I'm bringing in some of my own creations! Behold, the awesomeness of profiles!!

* * *

Name: Relic Man

Creator: Unknown archaeologist

Occupation: Archaeologist/ Treasure Hunter

Style: EX Robot Master

Element/ Power: Sand

Likes: Ruins, Gutsman

Dislikes: Booby traps

Description: Wears an outfit identical to Indiana Jones; claims to wear it of his own free will; has short, light brown hair

Background: Created by a great, yet obscure archaeologist, Relic Man's creator soon died in a cave-in at his site. Joined up with King's EX Robot Master rebellion in order to 'kill time'. Was defeated at the hands of Megaman, but was later rebuilt by Dr. Light.

* * *

Name: Cosmic Man (formerly Galaxy Man; I changed the name despite the fact that I created Galaxy Man before MM9 was confirmed)

Creator: Dr. Heather Augustine

Occupation: Astrologist

Style: EX Robot Master

Element/ Power: Space

Likes: Stargazing, Galaxy Man

Dislikes: Clouds

Description: Wears a deep purple armor with a single ring looping his body, similar to Saturn from MMV; has navy blue ponytail

Background: Created as Galaxy Man, he studied the stars until his systems malfunctioned and he joined King's EX Robot Master rebellion. He was defeated by Megaman, but rebuilt by his creator, Dr. Heather Augustine. He changed his name when the original Galaxy Man was rebuilt.

* * *

Name: Psychic Man

Creator: Dr. Palantine

Occupation: Amusement Park Worker

Style: Reploid (series of Robot Masters who's power and limitations far exceed EX Robot Masters)

Element/ Power: Telekinesis (duh...)

Likes: Happy children

Dislikes: Loud noises, Sound Man

Description: Wears a deep lavender armor; helmet is of same shade and has a face mask, shielding everything but his eyes; has pink bangs

Background: Created by the insane Palantine as a rue to get the Hub Style data from Megaman, he attacked the amusement park, then lost in the battle against him. His feet contain antigravity chips, allowing levitation. His hearing is almost unparalleled by the other Robot Masters, allowing him to read minds. However, it also amplifies loud noises several times, making Sound Man a rather large annoyance. He was rebuilt by Dr. Heather Augustine.

* * *

Name: Sound Man

Creator: Dr. Palantine

Occupation: Musician

Style: Reploid (series of Robot Masters who's power and limitations far exceed EX Robot Masters)

Element/ Power: Music (duh...)

Likes: The Rolling Stones, Elvis

Dislikes: Peace and quiet, Psychic Man

Description: Wears a light blue/ white armor; has a black mullet; sometimes attacks with a literal air guitar

Background: Created by the insane Palantine as a rue to get the Hub Style data from Megaman, he attacked a Rammenstein concert. He was quickly defeated by Megaman, but was recreated by Dr. Heather Augustine. Because of his natural 'rocker' personality, there is much tension between him and Psychic Man.

* * *

Name: Explode Man

Creator: Dr. Heather Augustine

Occupation: Demolitions Expert

Style: EX Robot Master

Element/ Power: Nitroglycerin (duh...)

Likes: Destruction, Grenade Man

Dislikes: Running out of 'ammo'

Description: Wears light green armor; arms are hollowed out, filled with nitroglycerin, then connected to a series of tubes, allowing him to control the spread of the explosive liquid; has short, gray hair

Background: Created by Dr. Heather Augustine, he quickly got caught up in King's EX Robot Master rebellion and was destroyed by Zero on a transit train. After Augustine rebuilt him, he joined a demolitions crew and quickly became buddies with Grenade Man. He enjoys destruction, but remains quite mellow about it.

* * *

Name: Glacier Man

Creator: Dr. Heather Augustine

Occupation: Leader of ART (Arctic Rescue Team)

Style: EX Robot Master

Element/ Power: Ice

Likes: Winter, Christmas

Dislikes: Summer, beaches

Description: Wears a very light blue armor; has a collant system built into CPU, allowing him to freze the air around him; oil in body is constantly frozen, forcing an energy convertor to be installed in his body; has short blue hair

Background: Created by Dr. Heather Augustine, Glacier Man joined King's EX Robot Master rebellion and kidnapped Roll. Zero, under the influence of the Rage Chip, made short work of him, unknowingly freeing Roll. When he was rebuilt by his creator, he established the Arctic Rescue Team and moved to Moscow. His twin brother is Cinder Man.

* * *

Name: Cinder Man

Creator: Dr. Heather Augustine

Occupation: Volcanic Researcher

Style: EX Robot Master

Element/ Power: Fire

Likes: Summer

Dislikes: Water

Description: Wears a crimson armor; has a heating system built into CPU, allowing him to heat the air arond him; oil in body is kept at beyond boiling temperatures; has long red hair

Background: Created by Dr. Heather Augustine, Cinder Man joined King's EX Robot Master rebellion and waited at a volcano in an attempt to exact vengeance for Glacier Man, his twin brother. Zero, under the influence of the Rage Chip, made short work of him, nearly causing the volcano to erupt in the process. When he was rebuilt by his creator, he became a volcanic researcher and was last seen heading for Hawaii.

* * *

Name: Static Man

Creator: Dr. Heather Augustine

Occupation: Electrician

Style: EX Robot Master

Element/ Power: Electricity

Likes: Thunderstorms

Dislikes: Rubber; Bond Man

Description: Wears a mixed armor of yellow/ deep purple; several small wires emerged from his wrist and hang loosely; has long purple hair

Background: Created by Dr. Heather Augustine, Static Man joined King's EX Robot Master rebellion and stormed Mega City. He was defeated by Megaman, then rebuilt by Static Man. He seems to have an unnatural hatred towards Bond Man, though it is unknown why. The power of his ultimate attack, Static Fire, can multiply several times beyond normal limitations, but can result in Static Man's destruction as it is a recoil attack; either he takes damage or his target does.

* * *

Name: Beam Man

Creator: Dr. Palantine

Occupation: Laser Scientist

Style: Reploid (series of Robot Masters who's power and limitations far exceed EX Robot Masters)

Element/ Power: Lasers

Likes: Glass, Shimmer Man

Dislikes: Solid walls

Description: Wears a mixed armor of light blue/ yellow; left right hand is replaced by beam launcher; has has short black hair with two white streaks going down the left and right sides of his head

Background: Created by the insane Palantine as a rue to get the Hub Style data from Megaman, he attacked a laser institute. He was nearly defeated by Megaman, but retreated to an amusement park where he began attacking in the halls of mirrors. This time, he was defeated by Megaman. He was recreated by Dr. Heather Augustine. Unlike most Robot Masters, Beam Man is left-handed.

* * *

Name: Tide Man

Creator: Dr. Palantine

Occupation: Sea Park Janitor

Style: Reploid (series of Robot Masters who's power and limitations far exceed EX Robot Masters)

Element/ Power: Water

Likes: Solid ground; sea animals

Dislikes: Water

Description: Wears a blue armor; legs can convert into water jets at will; has short gren hair and has one blue eye and one green eye

Background: Created by the insane Palantine as a rue to get the Hub Style data from Megaman, he attacked a sea park. Despite being an aquatic Robot Master, he fights better on ground than in water, tending to avoid it at all cost. Megaman managed to knock Tide Man into the dolphin tank, where he was defeated. He was rebuilt by Dr. Cossack, then returned to the sea park where he now works as a janitor.

* * *

Name: Cyber Man

Creator: n/a

Occupation: n/a

Style: n/a

Element/ Power: Energy

Likes: Data

Dislikes: Viruses

Description: Body is composed of light lavender energy

Background: Created by a corrupted file, he quickly built up an immunity to viruses, but was controlled Atlas nonetheless. He was forced to fight Megaman and, as a result, ended up as a chunk of disembodied data. However, Dr. Flockhart reconstructed his data and offered him a pyshical body. He declined, prefering to remain as a cybernetic form.

* * *

Name: Toxic Woman

Creator: Dr. Flockhart

Occupation: Chemist

Style: NARM (New Age Robot Master)

Element/ Power: Chemicals

Likes: Lethal gases

Dislikes: Windy days

Description: Wears a light bluish-green armor; has several small vents built into her wrists and back

Background: Created by Dr. Flockhart as a chemist, she quickly became corrupt by a new strain of virus dubbed 'Excelsia'. As a result, she began to experiment and created a new lethal nerve gas which she named after the virus. Megaman was nearly infected, but his new armor acted as a barrier and Megaman was able to defeat her.

* * *

Robot Masters - ...

MSX - Behold!

(MSX pulls another rope and the twelve Robot Masters fall onto the stage.)

Sound Man - Totally uncool, man!

Glacier Man - Where are we?

MSX - You... are in... -in demonic tone- ...Hell!!

Elecman - Glad to have you aboard.

MSX - And now, to start with a bang!!


	2. Megaman 9

RPN (Random Parody Number): 95

Parody: A Parody of Megaman 9

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Classic

* * *

(Metal Sonic EX is playing Megaman 8. His friend, Kinetikai, is on the computer.)

MSX - We haven't gotten a new Megaman game in a while. Any news ones coming out?

Kinetikai - Only one.

MSX - Which is?

Kinetikai - Megaman 9.

(MSX poses triumphantly as the Hallelujah chorus plays. However, instead of a chorus saying 'Hallelujah', the chorus says 'Fuuuuuuuuucking awesome!')

Narrator - The next weekend...

MSX - Yes! Time to play some mucho Megamuchaco! -gets slapped for speaking mock-Spanish-

Kinetikai - Even a mockery of that language is evil!

(A.N. I have indeed been to hell. It is called my senior year high school Spanish class.)

Lord T - I have returned!

MSX - Excellent! Now let's hook this up so I can get onto Live Arcade!

Lord T - I didn't bring the internet cable.

MSX - -dumbfounded- For the sake of your life, tell me that you're joking.

Lord T - Yeah. -tosses MSX the cord-

MSX - Kickass!

Narrator - One ten dollar purchase later.

MSX - -watches intro movie- Awesome! Now, to the game!

Lord T - Either you go up to Wendy's- I mean, up to Frecklebitch's or you do get to play Megaman 9.

MSX - Communist scum!

(A.N. I have a different definition for the word communist. It is a douchebag who is unworthy of the very term that describes him. Or her. (i.e. My mother is a communist. She gave me ham and swiss when I asked for grilled cheese.))

Narrator - One hour long walk later...

MSX - Finally. -boots game up- Challenges? -opens menu- Sweet! Goals to define my pimpitude! 'Defeat every boss with one bar of energy left'. 'Beat every boss in ten seconds or less'. 'Beat the game without missing with the buster'? 'Beat the game five times in one day'? 'Beat the game with taking damage'?! -head explodes from the paradox Capcom has created- What?! Is anyone _that _good?!

God - I wish I was...

MSX - Damn... Oh well. First, the easy stuff. -gets to stage select- Let's see... -gasp- A... female?!

Splash Woman's Face - -winks-

MSX - So sexy.

(The scene changes to Megaman entering Splash Woman's stage.)

Megaman - Not bad. -runs through the stage- Now what?

(Megaman watches as bubbles float up.)

Megaman - You must be joking.

(Megaman manages to get to the top using bubbles made with cement.)

Megaman - First Bubbleman, now this. -sigh- Whatever... -gets to the end of the stage- What? Dr. L?

Wily - Yeah, Dr. Light's the bad guy. Remember?

(The scene changes to MSX, who's jaw is dropped.)

MSX - Female boss. I can kinda understand. But messing with the antagonist? Unforgivab- Oh, who are they kidding? We all know that we're gonna end up fighting Wily.

(Megaman enters the boss room and finds Leviathan floating there.)

Leviathan - Haha! Wait... Wrong series...

(Leviathan disappears and Splash Woman appears.)

Megaman - So hot...

(Megaman gets impaled with Laser Trident.)

Splash Woman - I am victorious! Behold the power of boobs!

(The Megaman through Megaman & Bass bosses lower their heads and slowly walk away.)

MSX - Who came up with the idea of a female Robot Master?

-Flashback-

Dr. Light - I've just created several new robots. Now, I want my next one to be different, but how so... Maybe I can get some inspiration from the TV...

TV - We now return to the Sex In The City marathon.

Dr. Light - -points triumphantly into the air- Genius!!

-End Flashback-

Megaman - Damn... Dumb broad needs to know her place.

(Megaman beats her and gets Laser Trident.)

MSX - Well, seeing as I made Galaxy Man-

(Cosmic Man walks in, blinks, then walks out.)

MSX - -I'll try that level... later... For now, uh... Hornet Man?

(Megaman beams into the stage.)

Megaman - This is gonna be a cakewalk. -reaches midboss- What's this?

Flower - -in high squeaky voice- Oh, this is the midboss... -in demonic voice- ...FROM HELL!!

(After dying numerous times, Megaman finally gets lucky and proceeds further into the level.)

Megaman - Dammit! Maybe Wily should make a flower Robot Master...

(Plantman waks in and Megaman looks at him.)

Megaman - Oh yeah... You suck!

Plantman - Aw... -slowly walks away-

(Megaman reaches the boss.)

Megaman - I'm here to kill you!

Hornet Man - And I'm here to walk around aimlessly until all of my hornets are offscreen! -proceeds to do so-

(Megaman easily beats him and gets Hornet Chaser.)

Megaman - Hmm... Kinda like Boomerang Cutter...

MSX - Onto... Tornado Man's stage!

(Megaman gets raped. Hard.)

MSX - ...okay... How about... Jewel Man's stage!

(Megaman gets raped. Harder.)

MSX - ...heh... Uh... Let's try Tornado Man's stage again.

(Megaman goes through it slowly and manages to reach the boss room.)

Megaman - God... That was almost as gay as Airman.

Airman - Hey!

Megaman - I mean, Airman's stage.

Airman - Better...

Harpuia - Haha! Wait...

(Harpuia flies off and Tornado Man flies in.)

Megaman - Wrong series, Harpuia.

Tornado Man - Fool! I am Tornado Man!

(Megaman examines him closely.)

Megaman - You look exactly like Harpuia.

Tornado Man - Fool! I will kill you!

(Tornado Man tries, but Megaman barely beats him and gets Tornado... something or other...)

Tenguman - Hold?!

MSX - That was last game.

(Pirateman and Groundman turn to MSX.)

MSX - No. Before you guys. Okay... Uh... Jewel Man has it coming.

(Megaman still gets raped, but still manages to get to the boss room.)

Megaman - -dragging himself along by his hands- So... painful...

(Jewel Man drops into the stage and uses Jewel Satelite.)

Megaman - Oh... my... God...

Crystalman - Ripoff!

MSX - What was Capcom thinking?! Who made _this_ guy?!

-Flashback-

Dr. Light - Excellent! I've just completed Splash Woman. Now, to get more inspiration for my next robot.

TV - We now return to the Sex In The City marathon.

Dr. Light - -points triumphantly into the air- Genius!!

-End Flashback-

Jewel Man - -turns to MSX- You're a bastard.

(Elecman smirks a puts a hand on his shoulder.)

Elecman - Get used to it.

(Megaman tries to defeat Jewel Man, but fails.)

Megaman - So cheap! Every time I jump, he jumps! How do I beat him?!

(Megaman Game Over's and restarts the stage, barely getting through again.)

Megaman - Now, how to defeat him if he keeps jump... ing... Oh... Heh...

(Megaman jumps slightly as Jewel Man soars into the air. Megaman defeats him, gets Jewel Satelite, and smacks himself upside the head.)

MSX - Magma Man, huh? It almost rhymes with... eliminate!

(Megaman gets through the stage despite numerous instant-death lava flows.)

Fefnir - Haha! Wait...

(Fefnir jumps away and Magma Man jumps in.)

Megaman - Not much of a resmblence, but...

(Megaman defeats Magma Man and obtains Magma Bazooka.)

MSX - Onto Plug Man!

(Megaman goes through the stage and reaches the Disappearing-Reappearing Blocks(c))

Megaman - ...fuck!

(Megaman manages to get through them, then gets to the boss.)

Plug Man - Haha!

Megaman - ...you kinda look like Sparkman...

Plug Man - ...so...?

Megaman - -sigh- Let's... Let's just do this.

(Megaman defeats Plug Man and obtains Plug Ball.)

MSX - Ooh... Such an original name... Well, seeing as I made a Galaxy Man-

(Cosmic Man walks in, blinks, then walks out.)

MSX - -onto the stage!

(Megaman beams down into the level.)

Megaman - This music's fucking catchy! -begins bobbing head- Oh wait... Let's go! -dashes through the level- You!

Phantom - You! Wait...

(Phantom disappears in a puff of smoke and Galaxy Man appears.)

Megaman - You're joking, right?

Galaxy Man - 1 have 1337 n1nj4 skillz!

(Galaxy Man throws a large shuriken into Megaman's head, killing him.)

Megaman - Bastard made me waste a life!

(Megaman defeats him and gets Black Hole Bomb.)

MSX - Onto Concrete Man!

(The scene change to MSX standing in front of a green screen.)

MSX - Intermission! In the intro movie, when Roll complains about the phone ringing with people wanting to complain to Dr. Light, I had to laugh. If I knew the phone number of the world's greatest scientist who created robots that were currently destroying the world, I'd do a little more than complain. I'd call and tell him that I'm on my way to his house with a large rusty chainsaw.

Dr. Light - -gulp-

MSX - Back to the parody!

(The scene returns to the boss room of the stage.)

Megaman - That had to be the easiest level in the game.

Concrete Man - Well then, it's a good thing that I make it up by being the gayest of the eight bosses!

MSX - -eyes Jewel Man- I doubt that.

(Concrete Man kicks Megaman's ass several times before Megaman is victorious. He obtains Concrete Shot and returns to the lab.)

Auto - Much has happened! Light was arrested. The Robot Masters were to be scrapped. And look, Wily was behind it all!

Megaman - Uh... Duh.

Roll - Make certain to buy some stuff before you go!

(Megaman looks at the bag of bolts he's carrying.)

Megaman - -sigh- Whatever happened to Zenny? -looks at screen- I'll buy that book.

(Megaman's helmet disappears.)

Megaman - You've got to be joking. I paid twenty bolts to take off my helmet. -sigh- Give me my helmet back.

(Megaman turns to Roll, who stands next to a podium with Megaman's helmet on it.)

Roll - I don't know where it is.

Megaman - It's right there.

Roll - Right where?

Megaman - On the podium.

Roll - What about the podium?

Megaman - My helmet's on it.

Roll - What about your helmet?

Megaman - I want it.

Roll - No.

(Megaman stands there quietly.)

Megaman - You're gonna make me buy back... my own helmet...

(Roll nods with large smile on her face.)

Megaman - Bitch. Whoa... That picture of you is the most expensive thing up here. What's it do?

Roll - Makes me change clothes.

(Megaman stands there quietly again.)

Megaman - The most expensive thing I can buy... changes your clothes...

(Roll nods.)

Megaman - And you do nothing but stand there the whole game, right?

(Roll nods again.)

Megaman - Man, fuck this.

(Megaman heads to the first fortress level.)

Flower Midboss - -in demonic tone- WELCOME BACK!!

Megaman - Aw hell...

(After some mild difficulty, gets to the boss.)

Megaman - -looks at boss- Now what?

Boss - Please, you shouldn't totally knock these spiky balls into our faces.

Megaman - Uh... Okay...

(Megaman does so and beats the boss. After slightly more difficulty, Megaman reaches the second fortress boss.)

Megaman - Fucking instant-death lasers... Go back to Quickman's stage!

(Megaman defeats the boss, but runs under it to another segment.)

Megaman - Ah hell...

(Megaman defeat it and runs to a third segment.)

Megaman - ...fuck this. -beams off-

(In the third stage, Megaman breezes through the stage, then reaches an upward gravity lift. He avoids spikes until he comes to a line of them.)

Megaman - Okay... Easy. Easy. I so totally got this! I'm free! I'm...

(An enemy grabs Megaman and drags him into the spikes.)

Megaman - Fuck!!

(After getting past that part, Megaman meets the third fortress boss.)

Megaman - What happened to the Bio-Devil? Capcom didn't seem to mind putting him in every other game before, so why remake him now?

Inafune - I dunno.

(Megaman beats it, then gets to the final segment of the stage.)

Splash Woman - Behold the power of boobs!

Hornet Man - Prepare to feel the sting of defeat!

Tornado Man - I'll blow you away!

Jewel Man - I'll blow you!

(Everyone stands in an awkward silence for a few minutes.)

Magma Man - I'll turn you into ash! Then, I'll kick it!

Plug Man - Uh... Insert plug-related joke here?

Galaxy Man - 1 are 1337!

Concrete Man - I'm a total douche!

(After defeating the eight bosses, Megaman confronts the final boss.)

MSX - Dude, this tune could be the greatest final boss tune in the classic series... besides 7.

Dr. Wily - I've tried bubbles, water, gravity, rain, rings, and... -looks at Dustman- ...vacuums... Yet, when I finally kill Megaman, I use... eggs... -begins smashing skull onto the dashboard-

Megaman - I'm back!

Dr. Wily - -stops bashing head- To hell with you!

(Megaman defeats the first two forms, but struggles on beating the third.)

MSX - I don't want to! I don't want to! I don't- Ah, fuck it.

(Megaman uses an E Tank and kicks the hell out of Wily.)

MSX - I... am awesome.

Wily - Forgive me!

Megaman - I would, but...

(Megaman shows Wily pictures of them in the exact same pose nine different times.)

MSX - Greatest... references... ever!

(Megaman follows Wily to Dr. Light as Protoman shows up.)

Protoman - That's not Dr. Light!

Megaman - I still want to help!

(Despite that the Dr. Lightbot is covered in spikes, Megaman touches him then faints.)

Dr. Wily - That was easily the most retarded thing that I've ever seen you do.

(Dr. Lightbot explodes.)

Megaman - Poor... robot... -faints again-

Dr. Wily - My bad, 2nd most retarded thing.

(Dr. Wily flips a switch and Protoman saves Megaman's ass. Again.)

Protoman - I don't get paid enough for this.

(The credits roll, showing Jewel Man giving Roll a large jewel, Hornet Man watering some flowers, Splash Woman posing for a photo shoot, Plug Man-)

Elecman - HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!!

(Everyone turns to him.)

Elecman - After eight-

(Elecman turns to Groundman and Pirateman.)

Elecman - -nine games, why are _you_ the first ones to be rebuilt after the game?!

(The MM9 Robot Masters exchange looks.)

Concrete Man - -shrugs- Favoritism?

(The cast of the first nine Megaman games growl, then proceed to chase the eight Robot Masters around in classic Benny Hill style.)

MSX - Oh yeah... -exhales large cigar cloud despite the fact that he's drinking Kool-Aid- ...this is gonna be a good season.


	3. The Invisible Man

RPN: 96

Parody: The Invisible Man

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Battle Network

* * *

Stealth Man - I'm up, aren't I?

MSX - Oh yeah. Go my creation, parody this movie!

Stealth Man - I don't want to.

Elecman - You don't have a say in it.

Stealth Man - -sigh- Fine.

(As the movie opens, Stealth Man can be seen walking through a snowy path. He looks at a sign that says 'Go this way' and proceeds to go that way. At the bar, two men talk.)

Glyde - Did you hear that a little boy got trapped ten foot under a snow heap?

Snakeman.EXE - How'd they get him out?

Glyde - They used a fire hose.

Snakeman.EXE - What?

Glyde - -slaps Snakeman- They dug him out. What kind of question is that?

(As several men palys darts, one man throws one just as Stealth Man enters, nailing him in the air.)

Stealth Man - -screaming- Aw fuck!! Ah!! Jesus Christ!! You threw a dart into my eye!!

Woodman.EXE - Want me to get the other-

Stealth Man - No!!

(After removing the dart, he walks up to the bar.)

Stealth Man - I want a room.

Mr. Match - Here?

Stealth Man - Yes.

Mr. Match - Ribbita!

(Ribbita pokes her head out of a door.)

Ribbita - Yes? -walks up to Mr. Match-

Stealth Man - I want a room.

Ribbita - We don't have any.

Stealth Man - Make one.

Ribbita - Toad Man.EXE !

(Toad Man.EXE pokes his head out.)

Toadman.EXE - Yes?

Stealth Man - I want a fucking room already!!

Toadman.EXE - Certainly.

(After getting into his room, Ribbita walks up to Stealth Man.)

Ribbita - -looks out window- Can I take your hat and coat, sir?

Stealth Man - No.

(Ribbita turns to him as if she just got kicked in the gooch. She shakes it off and begins tidying the room up.)

Stealth Man - Bring me some food. I wish to feast on the blood of the innocent.

(Ribbita turns to him as if she just got kicked in the gooch.)

Stealth Man - I mean, I wish to feast on something that's not half frozen already.

Ribbita - Very well. -leaves-

(A few seconds later, she returns.)

Ribbita - You're supper, sir.

Stealth Man - I don't care if this movie was made in nineteen-thirty-something or eighteen-thirty-something, it's called din-

(Stealth Man turns around and sees a bottle of booze and a salt and pepper shaker.)

Stealth Man - -ner... -slaps Ribbita- I said food! Do you habla englis?!

(After Ribbita goes back downstairs, she notices a can of mustard.)

Ribbita - Silly me.

Stealth Man - -yells through floor- I don't like mustard!

Ribbita - Nonsense!

(Ribbita walks up stairs, opens the door, and is promptly booted in the head by Stealth Man. He slams the door close and props a chair up against.)

Stealth Man - It's so hard to find people who aren't total douchebags these days.

(Elsewhere, Megaman.EXE is working with some beakers as Roll.EXE comes downstairs.)

Megaman.EXE - Yes?

Roll.EXE - Where's Jack?

Megaman.EXE - I don't know. Why?

Roll.EXE - I had a terrible feeling last night that he was in desperate trouble.

Megaman.EXE - So, you want to go look for him?

Roll.EXE - Yes.

Megaman.EXE - Then go. I won't stop you.

Roll.EXE - Why not?

Megaman.EXE - I've been booted in the head way too many times. My doctor says the next one will take it right off.

Roll.EXE - ...what?

(Roll.EXE runs off as Gutsman.EXE comes in. He sighs, walks forward, and opens a door, walking into the room with her. To his surprise, Megaman.EXE is already there.)

Gutsman.EXE - How'd you do that?

(Megaman.EXE points to an entire section of the wall that isn't there, making the door obsolete.)

Gutsman.EXE - Why is this door here then?

MSX - For special effect!

Roll.EXE - Nothing's very special about it.

MSX - This is the thirties! Anything that looks cool is special and obsolete doors are so in!

(Roll.EXE and Gutsman.EXE walk to the window and begin talking about Stealth Man's weird habits.)

Gutsman.EXE - That man was a weird one. He had a cabinet that he wouldn't open unless the curtains were pulled, the door was barred, and his balls itched like the hairy-as-fuck backside of of my uncle Rupert. Real scientists had no need for such things. Real scientists wouldn't open such a cabinet unless it was their ass, not their balls, that itched like the hairy-as-fu-

Roll.EXE - I... uh... get the point...

(Gutsman.EXE stands up and looks angrily at some random flowers.)

Gutsman.EXE - Damn those random flowers.

(Back at wherever, Stealth Man is working on some stuff when Ribbita knocks on the door.)

Ribbita - Lunch!

Stealth Man - Take it away.

Ribbita - You're gonna eat it if I have to spoon feed it to you.

(Ribbita opens the door and is immediately booted in the head. As Metalman.EXE begins packing up Stealth Man's things, he roars with anger and boots him in the head, sending him spinning down the stairs.)

Ribbita - -opens door- Help! Police! Help!

(Several people, including several Fake Men walk in.)

MSX - Yeah right. If the cops were _that_ fast, there wouldn't be anymore crime. Let's here it for convient person placement! Otherwise known as acting!

(As Fake Man walks upstairs, Ribbita continues screaming and Metalman.EXE turns around and slaps her.)

Metalman.EXE - I just got booted in the head and fell down the stairs. The last thing I need right now is you screeching in my ear like some kind of banshee!

(Upstairs, the man throws his nose.)

Fake Man - What the...?

Michael Jackson - Ee-hee! Shamona! -grabs crotch-

Fake Man - You're coming with me.

(As Fake Man takes Wacko Jacko away, Stealth Man comes out of the bathroom.)

Stealth Man - Michael? Michael? -sigh- It's so hard to find reliable assistants these days.

(Fake Man comes back up and begins chasing Stealth Man around a chair as Benny HIll music palys. Once outside, he steals a bike then begins riding off. As another Fake Man runs up, Protoman.EXE points.)

Protoman.EXE - Nigga stole ma bike!

(Back at the laboratory, Gutsman.EXE and Megaman.EXE are looking for clues as to where Stealth Man is.)

Gutsman.EXE - This is where all his clues are. He didn't leave anything to chance.

(Gutsman.EXE opens the furnace and several bodies fall out.)

Megaman.EXE - Well that doen't help at all!

(After finding a list of ingredients, Megaman.EXE gasps.)

Gutsman.EXE - What is it?

Megaman.EXE - The last ingredient is... cocaine...

Gutsman.EXE - Never heard of it.

(An awkward silence follows.)

Megaman.EXE - Seriously?

Gutsman.EXE - Seriously, what is it?

(Megaman.EXE walks off.)

Megaman.EXE - That's it. I quit!

(At Gutsman.EXE's house, Stealth Man sneaks in and shivers.)

Stealth Man - You know, walking through naked will really shrink your balls something fierce. Do it long enough and even the manliest of men can become women.

Gutsman.EXE - How so?

Stealth Man - They get so clod that their penises become... concave!

Gutsman.EXE - -gasp-

Stealth Man - Anyways, to the business at hand. I need food, shelter, and a nice toasty fire to sit in.

Gutsman.EXE - Don't you mean sit by?

Stealth Man - I'm strong, Kemp. If you do not do as I have asked, then I'll boot you in the head.

(Gutsman.EXE quickly leaves.)

Stealth Man - That's better.

(Later, Stealth Man is now covered in clothes.)

Stealth Man - I need a partner, Kemp. You... are my partner.

Gutsman.EXE - No. It's not true, It's impossible!

Stealth Man - Look into your heart! You know it to be true. Wait... I mean... Yeah, it is true. You're my partner. I could always kill you if that's what you want.

Gutsman.EXE - Fine.

Stealth Man - Put a rug in the care. It's rather cold out when you have to go naked.

(The two finally get into the car and begin driving.)

Stealth Man - Where's that rug?

Gutsman.EXE - In the back.

Stealth Man - -pulls out a rug- You idiot! By rug, I meant blanket!

Gutsman.EXE - Then why did you say rug?

Stealth Man - These are the thirties! They're retarded like that!

(At the bar, Stealth Man drops his books to Gutsman.EXE, then walks back downstairs. He holds up the bottle of ink, but boots him in the head instead.)

Stealth Man - Night-night, numbnuts.

Ribbita - It's the Invisible Man! -screams-

(Stealth Man boots her in the head and she flies out of the window.)

Stealth Man - Any other takers? No? Very well then.

(That same night, a Aquaman.EXE walks up to a corner.)

Aquaman.EXE - Drugs! Get your drugs!

(People flood the streets and crowd around him despite that its' next to a police station. Later, as the report is played on the radio, a short montage of people locking their doors is shown. They use locks and chains, but the last man is different.)

Last Man - I'll keep him out! -nails board across door- There! That'll do it!

(See? Anyways, while Stealth Man sleeps, Gutsman.EXE phones Megaman.EXE and, in a manner of seconds, everyone knows where he is.)

Stealth Man - -sleeping- It's not like you know where I am... After all... I'm... -yawn- ...invisible... -snore-

(Stealth Man wakes up and begins to escort Gutsman.EXE back to his room when a car pulls up.)

Stealth Man - Fool! You told the police! -boots Gutsman.EXE in the head- Now they'll... Oh... It's just Megaman.EXE and Roll.EXE... My bad... -unboots Gutsman.EXE in the head- Let them in.

(After talking with Flora, Stealth Man looks outside and sees the police.)

Stealth Man - Fe-fi-fo-fum. I smell the blood... of popo scum! -roars with anger- Hulk smash! -boots Flora in head- Come and get me, fuzz! You'll never take me alive!

(Outside, Stealth Man boots every officer in the head, steals a pair of pants, then begins skipping down the street singing 'Barbie Girl'. The next day, he throws someone off a cliff as they make a song equivalent of kicking a giraffe in the testacles.)

Stealth Man - If that's how he screams, I wonder how he sounded when he was talking.

(Later, he boots a signalman in the head and switches the tracks so that a train drives straight into a ravine.)

Stealth Man - This actually poses a question. Why in God's name would someone create a lever that, when pulled, directs trains straight into a ravine? I mean, it's not very smart thinking, that's for sure!

(During an interview, the police chief laughs.)

Police Chief - I've got an idea to capture the Invisible Man. But, I dare not speak of it. He could be standing right there.

Stealth Man - -standing right there- No, I'm not.

(That night, the chief tells everyone to sit down as he sits in a chair.)

Police Chief - It's storytime! Tonight's story: The Three Little Pigs!

Random Guy - I love this story!

(At ten, a cat jumps onto the wall at the police station and is promptly shot.)

Stealthman.EXE - I fucking hate cats!

(Elsewhere, Stealth Man laughs, then boots Gutsman.EXE ijn the head, jumps out of the car, and laughs his ass off as the car spontaneously combusts. Afterwards, he falls asleep amidst the hay until Junkman.EXE enters and finds him asleep. He pokes Stealth Man with his cane and he growls.)

Stealth Man - Fool! I'm trying to sleep! -boots Junkman.EXE in the head-

(As the Fake Men scramble to the barn, several ride through the snow on bikes.)

Fake Man - Damn budget cuts!

(When the barn is set on fire, Stealth Man wakes up and looks around.)

Stealth Man - Meh. I'm a robot. I can take it.

(After watching the end of the actual movie, MSX's jaw drops.)

MSX - That's the ending? He becomes visible and that's it. Wow, that must be the thirties' equivalent of Halo 2.

Master Chief - Hey! That wasn't nice...


	4. Random Humor

RPN: 97

Parody: Random Humor

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Battle Network

* * *

Megaman.EXE - -rings doorbell-

Roll.EXE - -answers doorbell-

Megaman.EXE - -hands flowers over-

Roll.EXE - -takes flowers-

Megaman.EXE - -puckers up-

Roll.EXE - -slaps Megaman.EXE-

Megaman.EXE - -slaps Roll.EXE-

Roll.EXE - -files lawsuit-

Megaman.EXE - -gets arrested-

Roll.EXE - -smiles-

* * *

Megaman.EXE - And now, let's get us some random humor!

Whoeverman.EXE - Conversation starter!

Whateverman.EXE - Setup for joke!

Whoeverman.EXE - Punch line!

Whateverman.EXE - Followup line!

Whoeverman.EXE - ...

Whateverman.EXE - ...

Whoeverman.EXE - _Random exclamation!_

Whoeverman.EXE and Whateverman.EXE - LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

* * *

Snakeman.EXE - -dressed as Comic Book Guy- Worsssssssssst... Parody... Ever...

Cinder Man - Snakes! I hate snakes!

(The two are spontaneously on a plane with snakes everywhere.)

Cinder Man - Have at you!

(Cinder Man grabs a snake and bends it into the shape of a crowbar. He then deals Snakeman.EXE the 'Gordon Freeman Treatment'.)

Snakeman.EXE - -looks up- Hermaphodities! -gets split in half by unseen force-

(Glyde descends from the heavens.)

Glyde - Cinder Man, take this. -offers golden spork-

CinderMan - I am not Cinder Man! I am... the fabled Mongoose Toaster!

(Cinderman turns into a toaster with fur.)

Glyde - Where is the chosen one?

Glyde - You summoned?

Glyde - Take this.

Glyde - The Golden Spork of Antioch!

Glyde - Quietly! You must never speak the word!

Glyde - Word? What word?

Glyde - The word is... word.

(Time and space collapse and all living matter dies.)

* * *

Megaman.EXE - -gets out of prison- :(

Roll.EXE - :(

Megaman.EXE - :) -stabs Roll.EXE-

Roll.EXE - -bleeding- :O

Megaman.EXE - :D

Roll.EXE - -totally faking- :P

Megaman.EXE - :l

Roll.EXE - ;)

Megaman.EXE - :'l

Roll.EXE - XD

* * *

Megaman.EXE - Jesus!!

Jesus - Yes?

Megaman.EXE - Why?!

Jesus - Because.

Megaman.EXE - ...it all makes sense now!!

Jesus - No prob. -flies away-

Shadowman.EXE - Did he just fly away?

Megaman.EXE - Of course he did. He's fucking Jesus!!

* * *

Elecman.EXE - Fresh baked muffins!!

Roll.EXE - Ooh! May I have one?

Elecman.EXE - Indeedly-doo!

Roll.EXE - Thanks! -grabs muffin-

Elecman.EXE - Whaddya think?

Roll.EXE - -chomps- It's delicious! Did you use real blueberries, or-

Lan - I JUST DIVIDED BY ZERO!!

Elecman.EXE - OH SHI-

-BOOOOOM-

-UNIVERSE TURNS INSIDE-OUT-

-BLAAAAARGH-

-LOUD EXPLOSIONS AND GURGLING SOUNDS-

.

.

.

˙˙˙ - ǝxǝ˙uɐɯɔǝןǝ

˙˙˙ - ǝxǝ˙ןןoɹ

˙˙˙ - uɐן

¿pǝuǝddɐɥ ʇsnɾ ʇɐɥʍ - ǝxǝ˙uɐɯɔǝןǝ

˙ʇןnɐɟ s,ʎǝuʇɹɐɔɔɯ ןnɐd ʎןqɐqoɹd sɐʍ ʇı ʇnq 'ʍouʞ ʇ,uop ı - ǝxǝ˙ןןoɹ

-SPARKLE SPARKLE SPARKLE KABOOM-

¡ןnɐd - ǝxǝ˙ןןoɹ

Paul McCartney - I don't have to take this from you! I was a Beatle! Beatle powersawaaaaaay! -takes off-

Aquaman.EXE - He's so dreamy...

Megaman.EXE - -in high-pitched voice- TOASTY!!

* * *

Needleman.EXE - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-IIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

* * *

Toadman.EXE - I have a penis!

!anigav a evah I - EXE.namdaoT

Toadman.EXE - Hey!

!kcid rouy kcus yldalg ll'I - EXE.namdaoT

Toadman.EXE - That's not funny!

!reffid ot geb I - EXE.namdaoT

* * *

Pharoahman.EXE - Hey, how many Robot Masters does it take tochange in a lite-bulb?

Magnetman.EXE - I DUNNO! HOW MANY?

Pharoahman.EXE - One! He unscrews it, and then replaces it with a fresh bulb!

Magnetman.EXE - THAT MAKES SENSE!

Pharoahman.EXE - ...

Magnetman.EXE - ...

Pharoahman.EXE - _I HAS A VAGINA!_

Pharoahman.EXE and Magnetman.EXE - LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

* * *

Megaman.EXE - It seems havoc has its' fingers dipped in everything these days.

MSX - Indeed!

Megaman.EXE - Isn't this parody kind of... redundant?

MSX - No. It's retardant.

Megaman.EXE - That was bad.

MSX - Really? How bad?

Megaman.EXE - Well, let's just say tha-fobfvvbrdgfstartersivmfdmdvujfcivnsdfndsjkvchsdiuvcbduisdbfuisdanalleakagecvjinvjidbvijnvoswnvfervgfvgfemfmnm cbdsdhvffdsdvgdbffbdfdsfgfdgdnfsfomnsexualharassmentmfmefgvfgvrefvnwsovnjivbdijvnijvcdsiufbdsiudbcvuidshcjailtimesdnfdsnvicfjuvdm sfndgdfgfsdfparoleofficerdbffbdgvdsdffvhdsdbcsdhvffdsdvgcrabappledbffbdfdsfgfobfvvbrdgfstamolestationvnsdfndcvjinvjidgnvoswnvfefdfbdjfbdj  
fngnfgioneonsignsnvicfjuvdmdfmfkndjkfndjknfinfiosyphilisdnbiod...

* * *

We HA_VE__.LO(st_) all?conT**R0lof T.H.I.. Fa(nfict** iON

PLEAS**EDO**NOT

A--T--T--E--M--P--T--T--O+makeSEnse oooooooof

(thi) s

MAd - ness!

PleaseStandBy

PleaseStandBy

**PleaseStandBy**

* * *

t3st1cLes!-!

t3st1cLes!-!

t3st1cLes!-!

...boom...

* * *

We are experiencing technical difficulties... We highly recommend pissing yourselves followed by praying to your impotent God. Have a nice day...

* * *

Megaman.EXE - Most... pointless parody... ever!


	5. The Terminator

RPN: 98

Parody: The Terminator

Tribute: n/a

Cast: X

* * *

(As the parody opens, a series of large Beam Men walk slowly forward shooting the hell out of everything. In the process, one of them steps on Skull Man.)

Skull Man - Watch your step, you wanker! -crunch- I said watch your step!

(Suddenly, words appear in the center of the screen.)

Words - Some years ago, shit happened. Now, we're trying to sweep that shit under the rug.

X - Wait... What?

Zero - Wouldn't that still stink?

Words - Uh... No.

X - -shrugs- Works for me!

(The Terminator theme begins playing as the letters to 'Harminator' pass slowly by. The scene changes as a large machine lowers itself.)

Junk Man - Oh my God! It's gonna crush m- Oh, it's just the garbage truck.

(Electricity starts appearing out of nowhere and Cyberman appears in the center of the area.)

Junk Man - Screw this! -runs off-

(Cyberman looks up and walks up to the ledge.)

Jewel Man - Nice ass!

(Ignoring the comment, Cyberman goes to ground level and walks up to Dynamo, Vile, and Double.)

Double - Nice night for a walk, eh?

Cyber Man - -looks around- I've had better. Now, give me your clothes.

Dynamo - Fuck you, asshole!

(They all try stabbing him, but the blades pass right through.)

Cyber Man - Need i remind you that I don't have a physical body?

Vile - Oh... Uh...

(The trio turns to MSX.)

Double - Now what?

MSX - -shrugs- Die.

(Dynamo's head explodes, Vile's helmet melts off, and Double's face caves in. Looking at the clothes, he snorts.)

Cyber Man - I'll go to K-Mart.

(Meanwhile, in an alley, Clyde is sleeping when suddenly, lightning comes out of nowhere and Zero falls to the ground.)

Zero - -groaning- Landing on cement naked really hurts!

(When Fake Man pulls up, Zero runs off, still naked.)

Clyde - That son of a bitch gave me change!

Fake Man - Giving the homeless change?! This asshole's mine! -picks up chase-

(While running from Fake Man, Zero runs into the street and is nearly hit.)

Gate - lol Inconviently-placed vehicle!

Zero - I'll kill you later! -runs off-

(As Zero gets a gun, another car of Fake Men pull up.)

Fake Men - Let' drive real slow and give him a chase to get away.

Zero - -gets away-

Fake Men - Okay, speed up.

(In the clothes store, Zero finds himself in 'Full Sets Of Clothes' section.)

Zero - Yoink! -takes a set-

(Another car of Fake Men drives up, causing Zero to run up the escalator.)

Fake Man - -looks up escalator- There's no way he just ran up there. -contines on his way-

(Outside, Zero reaches into a squad car and takes a shotgun.)

Fake Man #1 - Where's your shotgun?

Fake Man #2 - In my car. It's not like I need it or anything.

Fake Man #1 - So true.

(In a telephone booth, Zero opens a phone book, looks at it, and curses.)

Zero - What kind of city doesn't have a Pizza Hut?!

(Zero grabs the pages with 'Iris' on it and runs off. Elsewhere, Iris drives to a resturant, locks up her scooter, then pauses at the large Big Boy-like statue.)

Iris - Guard it for me, okay?

(The Big Boy's buns disappear and two large flamethrowers appear. A cigar also appears in a hole in its' mouth. Elsewhere again, Cyber Man walks up to a car, then goes to punch the window out only to find that it's been opened.)

Cyber Man - Oh... Uh... -reaches in and unlocks car- That works too...

(He then takes several minutes to hotwire the car, then looks up and notices the keys in the ignition.)

Cyber Man - I hate life.

Life - And I hate you!

(At the resturant, Iris is struggling to deal with her customers as Midi puts a dead rat into her pocket. She pulls it out and gives him a look as Alia walks up.)

Alia - Put it this way. In a hundred years, we'll all be dead and the survivors will be fighting machines.

Iris - What are the chances of that happening?

Alia - Nonexistent.

(Iris and Alia slowly turn to the camera. At the gun store, Cyber Man walks into the bathroom, takes a dump, then leaves the bathroom. Gate runs into the bathroom, then rns out again.)

Gate - Hey, you can't take a massive dump and not flush!

Cyber Man - Wrong. -shoots Gate-

Gate - Silly bitch! Don't you know that you can only kill me by deflecting my own attacks back at me.

Cyber Man - That's really stupid.

Enker - Tell me about it.

(At a telephone booth, Cyber Man walks up, picks up Mr. Pappy, and throws him aside.)

Mr. Pappy - Dang flabbit! Didn't your momma ever teach you manners?!

Cyber Man - No.

Mr. Pappy - Mine neither!

(Outside of a random house, Cyber Man drives up and runs over not only a toy truck, but Techno, who was playing with it. He walks to the door, knocks, and Iris from the Battle Network series opens.)

Cyber Man - Sarah Conner?

Iris - No.

Cyber Man - Iris?

Iris - Yes...

(Cyber Man shoots her in the gooch several times.)

Cyber Man - I was supposed to kill you, wasn't I? Oh well. At least you can't have kids anymore.

(In the resturant, Iris watches the news report about Iris' death.)

Alia - Looks like you're dead.

Iris - Oh please. I won't die.

MSX - Not until the third movie! Which sucked!

(At the construction site, Zero hotwires a car, then turns to a crane.)

Zero - I sense a pointless flashback coming on!

(The flashback begins and a Beam Man walks forward, crushing dozens of Skull Men with each step.)

Skull Men - This wasn't in our contract!

(Under some debris, Zero taps Dynamo on the shoulder, then tells him 'Let's ditch this joint and get laid' in sign language. Dynamo nods, then smiles. On the way, however, Dynamo gets shot and killed. Zero shrugs.)

Zero - More for me.

(A jalopy pulls up and Zero dashes for it.)

Colonel - Get in, but you're paying for half the gas.

Zero - Whatever. Just move! I need to get laid!

(Back in reality, Iris answers the phone.)

Stranger - I'm gonna screw you!

Iris - Lovely. -hangs up-

(The phone rings again.)

Stranger #2 - I'm gonna screw you!

Iris - That's nice. -hangs up-

(The phone rings again.)

Stranger #3 - I'm gonna screw you!

Iris - Maybe later. -hangs up- GOd, I'm really starting to regret signing up for that hentai deal.

(The phone rings.)

Stranger #4 - I'm gonna screw you!

Iris - Hi, X.

X - Oh! Is... Alia there...?

(Iris hands the phone to Alia.)

Iris - It's the creep.

X - I heard that!

(In a farm somewhere, a farmer walks into the barn without any clothes.)

Farmer - You fucking pigs! Wait 'til I get my hands on you!

(The pigs squeal and make a break for it. Back at the apartment, Iris and Alia are getting ready for a date when they check their messages.)

Double - Shun!

Iris - Dammit...

(Outside the door, Iris turns around.)

X - Boo.

(Iris kicks him in the nuts.)

Iris - Sorry, that's my dipshit reflex.

(In the bar, Iris turns to the TV.)

Reporter - You're next bitch!

(Iris runs out of the bar. Outside, Iris begins walking away when Zero begins following her.)

Bartender - Hey! That bitch didn't pay!

(Zero blows him away, then turns around to see that she's gone.)

Zero - Damn...

(Back at the apartment, Alia gets up to make a sandwich. She opens the cupboard, Sting Chameleon is sitting there.)

Sting Chameleon - Don't mind me!

(Alia screams and smashes him over the head with a frying pan. In the bedroom, Cyber Man breaks through the window.)

X - Don't make me bust you up, man!

(X hits him over the head with a frying pan, but Cyber Man throws him through the wall. X walks out of the room and shoots Alia in the back.)

Alia - -dives forward- Superman!

(At Neck Bra, Cyber Man walks inside.)

Layer - Hey, that guy didn't pay!

(Spark Mandrill puts a hand on his shoulder, but Cyber Man easily breaks it in half. Just as Cyber Man goes to kill Iris, Zero shoots him several times without hitting everyone else.)

Zero - Dude, do I have, like, Moses powers or something?

(Out back, Cyber Man picks up the chase.)

Cyber Man - I'll run just fast enough so that they can get away, but still make it look like I'm trying. -does just that-

(During the chase, Cyber Man picks up the police comm.)

Cyber Man - -scks helium- Hi, I'm totally a police officer!

(During the explanation scene, Zero begins explaining. Duh.)

Zero - It's part man, part machine. And part one annoying motherfucker. It's metal on the inside, but on the outside are living human tissue samples taken from Michael Jackson. They're extremely hard to spot if their isn't a child around.

(Outside, Cyber Man looks around for the car when the police comm. speaks.)

Comm - Turn around, moron!

(Cyber Man turns to it quickly, then turns around.

(Back in the new car, Zero explains everything.)

Zero - War. Machines. Pwned. Connor. Salvation. Stuff like that.

(Cyber Man pulls up, then grows wide-eyed. He shoots a shotgun at a tin can, then smirks satisfied just as Zero and Iris drive away.)

Cyber Man - To war! -begins chasing them-

(During the shootout, Cyber Man turns and drives fastfirst into the wall.)

Cyber Man - Time to make my escape! -makes stealthy escape-

(At the station, Signas introduces Iris to Spider.)

Signas - This is Spider.

(Spider raises his eyebrows in a sexual sense.)

Iris - That guy's creepy.

(In the random room, Cber goes to cut open his arm, then laughs.)

Cyber Man - Wait a minute. I don't have a physical body. I can't cut my arm open. Oh well! -does the lolwut face-

(At the police station, Cyber Man looks around.)

Cyber Man - Can I come in.

Officer - No.

Cyber Man - I'll be back.

(After going to a strip joint, Cyber Man returns.)

Cyber Man - Can I get in now?

Officer - Sure. -opens door-

Cyber Man - Thanks. -shoots officer-

(During their escape from the police station, classic 80's synth begins playing)

MSX - Gotta love those 80's.

(During the news report, Iris and Zero exchange looks.)

Zero - So, in the actual movie, Arnold blew the hell out of the very same state he'd later govern.

Iris - That's... pretty cool.

(Under the bridge, Iris pulls out a large surgical kit, but instead, puts on a Band-Aid.)

Iris - Done.

Zero - Done?! I just got shot!

Iris - Oh well. -lolwut face-

(During the flashback, Zero returns to the base. A kid points his finger and goes 'Bang', but Zero aims his gun and shoots him.)

Zero - Oops... Forgot the safety... -turns safety on-

(Some more people come in, but the dogs remain quiet. The man walks forward, then grabs a little boy.)

Man - Ee-hee! Shamona!

Zero - Harminator! -begins shooting at it-

(Back in the present, Cyber Man is looking over Iris' phone book when the janitor knocks on the door.)

Janitor - Hey, buddy! You got a dead cat in there or what?

(Cyber Man goes through a list of respones before selecting one.)

Cyber Man - -imitates 'The Most Annoying Sound In The World' from _Dumb and Dumber_-

(After making the bombs in a hotel room, MSX walks in.)

MSX - Sexy time!

Zero - Yes! -dunks arm-

Iris - If I must...

MSX - Oh... You must...

(During another chase scene, Zero begins tossing the bombs out the window.)

Iris - Maybe we should've made some actual bombs instead of just smoke bombs!

Zero - I think you're right! -gets shot-

(After the car flips, Cyber Man steals a semi and begins driving towards them.)

Iris - Well, i've seen enough.

Zero - Seen enough?! You could've been out already and instead, yo sat here watching him!

(As Iris runs from the semi, Zero slides a bomb into a convenient hole in the semi's backside.)

Cyber Man - Why'd I have to steal a chemical truck? -gets blown up-

(After being reunited with Zero, Iris smiles.)

Iris - We got it!

Cyber Man - -stands up- Guess again!

(Inside the plant, Zero pauses.)

Iris - What?!

Zero - Nature calls. -takes a piss-

(Zero slips a bomb into Cyber Man's chest.)

Zero - Take that, asshole!

Cyber Man - Talk about congestion. -blows up again-

(Afterwards, Iris crawls over to Zero, who's dead again.)

Iris - Meh. Not like that hasn't happened half a dozen times already.

(Cyber Man begins chasing Iris again. Iris manages to get through a crusher and activate it.)

Iris - Squish-squish goes the douchebag.

Cyber Man - Squish-squish? -gets crushed-

(A few months later, Iris drives into a gas station. There, a little boy speaks Spanish.)

Iris - Say what?

Double - He said that if you don't give him five dollars for the picture, his father will beat him.

Iris - -shrugs- Not my problem.

(Again, the boy speaks Spanish.)

Iris - Now what?

Double - He says there's a storm coming.

Iris - I doubt that. -drives off-

(A mile down the road, Iris stops when an entire army of Cyber Men appear.)

Cyber Man #1 - Why didn't we jsut do this to start with?

Cyber Man #2 - I don't know. Better late than never.

Cyber Man #3 - So true.

(They kill Iris, then go about their merry ways.)


	6. Rocky IV

RPN: 99

Parody: Rocky IV

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Classic

* * *

MSX - This works!

Elecman - What works?

MSX - Having Glacier Man being the bad guy!

Elecman - I don't get it...

Glacier Man - -Russian accent- Of course you don't. You do not drink the milk and thus are not big strong man like me!!

Elecman - I don't need to drink milk.

Glacier Man - That is because you are weak flower boy!!

Elecman - ...flower boy?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(As 'Eye Of The Tiger' begins playing, two boxing gloves punch each other and explode.)

Explode Man - My hands!

Elecman - Aren't you _Explode_ Man?

Explode Man - Oh... Yeah... Still, did I really have to blow them up?

MSX - Yes.

(As the scene changes to a fight between Oilman and Flashman, everyone is yelling.)

Timeman - Come on, ya dicksuck! Put your heart into it!

Flashman - I would if everyone wasn't yelling at me!

(After winning Flashman jumps into the air and uses Flash Stopper.)

Flashman - -frozen- How long do I have to hold this?

MSX - -evil chuckle-

Flashman - This is gonna suck...

(After unfreezing time, in an empty room, Flashman and, because I forgot who played Apollo, Cinderman walk up to a ring.)

Flashman - Age before beauty. -gets in first- Wait...

(At night, Flashman gets out out of his car and begins walking to the front door while Plugman films him.)

Plug Man - Where'd you get that hat?

Flash Man - A friend generously gave it to me.

Plug Man - Who punched you in the eye?

Flash Man - The same friend I made generously give me this hat.

Plug Man - That's weird.

(Flashman goes inside and finds Hornetman with a hat on.)

Hornet Man - Hi.

Flash Man - Uh... Hi...

(Flashman turns and sees Splash Woman.)

Splash Woman - Hi.

(Flashman dunks his arm and mouth the word 'Yes'.)

Hornet Man - Where's my present?

Flash Man - Can you go get it, sweetie?

(Splash Woman motions towards her fin.)

Flash Man - -sigh- Be right back.

(Flash Man returns as Galaxy Man walks up to Hornetman.)

Galaxy Man - Happy birthday, Hornet Man.

Hornetman - You've gotta be kidding me...

(Plug Man 'helps' Hornet Man blow out the candles by squirting whipped cream in his face.)

Plug Man - They're out.

(Hornetman smashes Plugman's face into the cake.)

Hornet Man - Two are still burning, moron.

(In the bedroom, Flashman brings up a cake with Splash Woman and Flashman boxing on it.)

Splash Woman - Has it realy been that rough?

Flash Man - Nah.

Splash Woman - Didn't I win that fight?

(Flashman remains silent, then hands Splash Woman a box.)

Flash Man - Here.

(Splash Woman opens it to find a snake.)

Flash Man - The guy I bought it from says even if it looks like a snake, it isn't.

Splash Woman - It _is_ a snake.

(Flashman turns to see Snakeman crammed inside a box.)

Snakeman - Can I get out now?

(Flashman closes the box, then makes out with Splash Woman.)

Snakeman - -muffled- Are you having happy time...? Can I watch...?

(As Glacier Man arrives in the airport, Dr. Cossack and Kalinka escort him through the media until-)

Dr. Cossack - I said we will answer questions at press conference, but you do not listen, so I shal destroy you all!!

(As the trio drive off, the reporters are bombed by planes that resemble Tetris pieces.)

Jack Thompson - I knew it! It's a communist takeover!

MSX - Not that you can do anything about it anymore. -slaughters old lady in cold blood- Isn't violence great?

Jack Thompson - - very angry-

(As Cinder Man watches TV from his pool ('cause he's that awesome), he watches as Glacier Man turns to face the camera.)

Glacier Man - I will kill you. Much like I kill this pretzel. -takes a bite of pretzel- It is dead. Mourn it.

Reporter - But, uh...

Glacier Man - Mourn it!!

(The reporter start mourning the loss of their beloved two-for-five pretzel. At Flashman's house, Plug Man dances with Galaxy Man while Flash Man washes the car.)

Plug Man - You're face doesn't look like a punching bag.

Flash Man - No? -puts on punching bag helmet- How about now?

Roll - Can't believe I'm the maid now... Hey, Flash Man. Cinder Man's on the phone.

Flash Man - I'll be right there.

Galaxy Man - You can get it here.

Flash Man - Thanks. -grabs phone-

Galaxy Man - And all of your other needs too...

(Flashman looks at Galaxyman.)

Flash Man - I'm getting rid of you.

(At the lab, Kalinka explains Glacier Man's strength.)

Kalinka - He is like Popeye.

Glacier Man - Popeye? No... Not Popeye... Like... the Hulk! -breaks shirt by flexing muscles- I am big strong man! Big strong man smash! -punches table in half-

Kalinka - On with the demonstration.

(Glacier Man punches through the pad.)

Reporter - He so use steroids...

(Glacier Man turns to him as his eyes extend from his body, pierces the reporter's skull, then retract into his skull.)

Glacier Man - Not steroids. Skill.

(Glacier Man punches the pad again at the same time he craps himself.)

Glacier Man - Oh noes!

(Back at Flashman's house, Galaxy Man hands Hornet Man a beer, but sounds rather sexy.)

Flash Man - Who taught her to talk like that?

Hornet Man - -smiles-

Flash Man - Can you give me her number?

Splash Woman - -growls-

(That night, Flash Man and Cinder Man argue.)

Cinder Man - It's not like we can be born again!

Flash Man - Actually, we can. We're robots. We can just have a new body built. Presto. New life.

Cinder Man - Man, fuck you! -leaves- Crazy cracker and his crazy cracker logic.

(At the press conference, Cinder Man begins talknig trach about Glacier Man.)

Cinder Man - His momma's so fat, she sweats Mrs. Butterworth syrup!

(Glacier Man stands up abruptly.)

Glacier Man - I will kill you. Like I kill this wagon.

(Glacier Man holds up a wagon and crushes it with his bare hands.)

Glacier Man - It is dead. Mourn it.

Reporter - But, uh...

Glacier Man - Mourn it!!

(The reporters start mourning the lost of their beloved little red wagon as Cinder Man stands up.)

Cinder Man - You're the craziest communist I've ever seen. You- -points at Glacier Man- -are going down, cracker!

(The night of the match, Flash Man is backstage with Cinder Man.)

Flash Man - Here you go. Enough bandages so no one will be able to ID you when you die.

Cinder Man - I'm not gonna die. But I feel like eating nails.

Flash Man - Never tried 'em.

Cinder Man - -has mouthful of nail- Really? You should try them. Great source of calcium. -crunch-

(In Glacier Man's room, the trio are doing the Cossack Dance to Tetris Music A.)

Glacier Man - Let us dance like only Russia can!

(At the ring, Kalinka approaches Jewel Man.)

Kalinka - I hope that you do not feel bad when my husband kills your husband.

Jewel Man - What?

Kalinka - Let's be friends.

Jewel Man - Uh... Sure?

(As the stage is risen to its' normal level, Glacier Man looks around in fear.)

Glacier Man - Oh God! My one weakness! Horrible dancers!! -begins choking on bad dancing-

MSX - Insert pointless cameo here.

Richard Nixon - Hello there.

MSX - Thank you.

(As Cinder Man is lowered into the stage, he begins dancing.)

Cinder Man - Can't touch this!

Glacier Man - Funny. He's doing the dance of death.

(As Glacier Man is introduced, everyone begins booing.)

Glacier Man - Note to self: Kill audience.

Cinder Man - I want you! I want you!

Glacier Man - I am not gay.

Cinder Man - Nor am I, but I still want you!

(Cinder Man goes to smash Glacier Man's fists down, but they don't move.)

Glacier Man - You will die. Much like John F. Kennedy, but altering in both method and means.

Cinder Man - Um... Okay...

(The first round begins and Cinder Man playfully slaps Glacier Man several times.)

Glacier Man - That tickles. -beats the shit out of Cinder Man-

(The first round end and both teams run forward.)

Time Man - This is supposed to be an exhibition! You hear me? An exhibition!

(Glacier Man stops, turns around, and punches Time Man's head off.)

Glacier Man - Do not mourn him.

(The second round begins and Cinder Man gets his ass kicked some more.)

Time Man - -has a new head- Throw in the towel!

Flash Man - No.

(Glacier Man punches Cinder Man's head off.)

Announcer - Cinder Man is down and he could be badly hurt!

Glacier Man - I just killed him... Fucking moron...

(Several reporters run to get in Flash Man's way while several others run to Glacier Man.)

Glacier Man - Yes. I am that fucking cool.

Reporter - Uh...

Glacier Man - Laugh.

(No one laughs and Glacier Man punches someone's head off.)

Glacier Man - Laugh!!

(Everyone starts laughing. Later, everyone is at the funeral.)

Priest - Any words, Mr. Man?

Flash Man - Yes... Communist bastard killed my best nigga! I'm gonna kick his ass!

(Flash Man soon finds himself at a press conference.)

Cossack - It is impossible for this man to win.

Flash Man - Oh yeah? Well fuck you too, communist scum!

(Cossack and Kalinka gasp.)

Flash Man - Go back to your motherland and make snowmen. But leave him. -points at Glacier Man- I just lost my best nigga, so I need a new bitch to clean my balls twice daily.

Glacier Man - Ew...

(At her house, Splash Woman barely drives her hovering luxury chair into the building before she is devoured by the paparazzi. She returns seconds later with a flamethrower.)

Splash Woman - Newsflash, fucknuts! You're all screwed! -maniacal laughter followed by mass murder followed then by more maniacal laughter-

(That night, Flash Man gets home and converses with Splash Woman.)

Splash Woman - I do not understand this.

Flash Man - I have my reasons.

Splash Woman - Your decision greatly displeases me.

Flash Man - I cannot change my personality to your own liking.

Splash Woman - You're skills are greatly inferior to his.

Flash Man - Eat a testicle.

(As Flashman drives away, he smiles.)

Flashman - Flashback montage time!

(After the flashback montage, Flashman sits in Plugman's room.)

Plugman - Are you scared?

Flashman - No.

Plugman - Not even a little.

Flashman - No.

(Flashman hears a thump from under the bed. He lifts up the covers and finds Glacier Man there.)

Glacier Man - Can I have some Doritos or something?

(Flashman drops the covers and cowers while screaming like a little girl. Then, s Flashman gets off the plane, he hears a voice.)

Voice - Thank you for riding Communist Airlines. Please, have a nice day and fuck off.

(Hornetman and Flashman get off the plane and find Magicman standing there.)

Magicman - Welcome to Soviet Russia! Where you don't drive car, car drives you!

Flashman - Uh... What?

(After arriving at their rundown barn, Flashman and Hornetman exchange looks.)

Hornetman - No TV. No room service. No heat. No water. No electricity.

Flashman - No peace and quiet.

Hornetman - Fuck you!

(Flashman pushes Hornetman down, who falls into a large snow drift and soon disappears beneath the snow. That night, Timeman is playing a board game with Flameman.)

Timeman - Ha! Connect Four, bitch!

(After going upstairs and giving Flashman a pep talk, he walks off.)

Flashman - Hey, Timeman.

Timeman - Yeah?

Flashman - You're pep talks suck. I know I gotta win. Ya didn't have to remind me!

(While jogging the next morning, Flashman runs past a carraige and punches one of the horses out, causing it to fall over. At the same time, Glacier Man is standing in a ring with a line of people in front of him.)

Glacier Man - Next. -punches and knocks out person- Next. -punches and knocks out person- Next. -punches and knocks out person- Next.

(On the way back from his jog, he punches out the same horse.)

Russian Guy - What the hell?! Why you punch my horse?

Russian Ed - Sorry, Vlad. I'm gonna go to sleep again. -faints-

(Back at his barn, Flashman finds Splash Woman frozen in ice.)

Flashman - Well, you water-based. That's what you get for coming to Russia.

Splash Woman - -muffled- Asshole...

(Later, Flashman begins jump roping. Soon, he's jump ropingf so fast that he enters a time warp and enters the first Rocky parody.)

Flashman - Who are you?

Flashman - I'm you!

Flashman - Oh...

Flashman - I'm fighting the Russian that killed the guy you're about to face.

Flashman - Wha...?!

Flashman - Oh yeah.

Flashman - Teach him the American way, brother.

Flashman - Oh yeah. Fast food and fat chicks. Alright!

(Afterv returning to the present parody, Flashman begins lifting a heavy sack of rocks.)

Flashman - -yelling- These rocks are really heavy!

(Back at the gym, Glacier Man is injected with steroids.)

Glacier Man - I do not need steroids.

(The injection squirts back out of the hole the syringe made.)

Glacier Man - After all, I can do that.

(Elsewhere, Flashman is jogging and is still being followed by Searchman and Tenguman. He begins running away, but they speed up.)

Flashman - Catch me now! Haha! -flies away-

(At the top of the mountain, Flashman yells Glacierman's name, causes an avalanche, and is swallowed up by the snow. When it stops, Flashman pokes his head out of it.)

Flashman - Well, that wasn't a very smart idea.

(On the way to the ring, Hornetman kisses Flashman, who rips off his head.)

Flashman - Replacement. Now.

Tornado Man - Hi, I'm Paulie!

Flashman - That works.

(As Glacier Man walks to the ring, Toxic Woman walks in front of him.)

Toxic Woman - Okay, smoke, smoke. I can't do smoke... Oh well...

(Toxic Woman releases white methane and everyone begins holding their nose.)

Announcer - Has someone died asnd not known it? That stinks something fierce.

(Once in the ring, the audience begins singing in Russian to a large picture of Glacier Man.)

Flashman - Note to self: Kill audience. Burn flag. Destroy country. Sounds fair enough.

(The two walk to the center of the ring.)

Glacier Man - I must break you. Like I mst break this kitten.

(Glacier Man holds up a kitten, rips it in half, and drinks the blood.)

Flashman - Screw America! If you're gonna kill cute little kitty cats, that's an asswhoopping all on its' own!

(As for the first round, it went something like this.)

Glacier Man - -punch- Can't touch this! -MC Hammer dance- -punch- Can't touch this! -MC Hammer dance- -punch- Can't touch this! -MC Hammer dance-

(The second round begins and-)

Flashman - -punch- Can't touch this! -MC Hammer dance- -punch- Can't touch this! -MC Hammer dance- -punch- Can't touch this! -MC Hammer dance-

Splash Woman - This is getting retarded.

MSX - Wrong. It's already there. -smiles-

(Before the third round starts, Glacier Man turns to Dr. Cossack and speaks in Russian.)

Glacier Man - -translated for easier reading- He's not human. He's like a piece of iron.

Cossack - -translated for easier reading- Of course he's like a piece of iron. He's a fucking robot.

Glacier Man - -translated for easier reading- Oh...

(Before the fourth round, Glacier Man is offered water. He turns angrily to the man and punches his head off. In the following rounds, Glacier Man and Flash Man exchange rounds to kick each other's asses. Before the fifteenth and final round, some big important Russian starts talking shit to Glacier Man, so he punches his head off.)

Glacier Man - I fight for myself! I fight with myself! -punches self- I'm a very bad boy! -punches self- Why didn't you love me, mom? -cries-

(Despite his breakdown, Glacierman enters the fight only to get his ass kicked by Flashman.)

Glacier Man - Oh look. Birdies. -falls down- How'd I get here?

(After winning, Flashman talks while Magmaman translates.)

Flashman - I saw how you all hated me before. The feeling is mutual.

Magmaman - -in Russian- My mother has turnips growing out of her vagina.

Flashman - I saw how you changed you opinion, but I kept mine.

Magmaman - My father smells of elderberries and has killed many a hamster by shoving them up his butthole.

Flashman - What I'm trying to say is that Russia fucking sucks and you can't stop America! No one can! -maniacal laughter-

Magmaman - I touch little boys and have sex with little girls. I enjoy dirty sex with my dog and I will send pictures to my sister when I get home.

(Everyone begins laughing as Flashman turns to Tornadoman.)

Flashman - Was it something I said?

MSX - -closes book- Thus ends our tale. The moral: Don't fuck with the states. Sure we've got a retard named Bush running us, but that's not gonna last much longer. -holds up shotgun, then raises eyebrows-


	7. 100th Parody: Citizen Kane

(MSX smokes an invisible cigar while standing in a tuxedo.)

MSX - Number one hundred...

Elecman - I'm somewhat glad we've gotten to this point. One hundred is a big milestone.

MSX - Exactly!

X - So, what's the hundredth parody going to be about?

MSX - The greatest movie of all time of course!

Aile - Based on your opinion?

MSX - No, based on The American Film Institutes' opinion.

- Oh really?

MSX - Ya rly!

Zero - So, who's the unlucky cast...

Trigger - We are...

MSX - Come now. I picked you guys because you're my favorite series! The Classic series is... classic. The X series is fun as hell. The Zero series is a harder version of the X series. The Battle Network series... I haven't even played that one yet. And the ZX series... Cooler than fucking hell! But! It is you who shall stand atop all others. So, let's begin!!

Trigger - Oh dear...

Elecman - Wait a minute... Didn't Orson Welles play Unicron in the Transformers movie...?

* * *

RPN: 100 (Woo!)

Parody: Citizen Kane

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Legends

* * *

(As the parody opens, the scene is a chain link fence and a sign that says 'Stay the fuck off!'. At the top of the fence, instead of a 'K', there is a large penis-shaped symbol. The scene changes to a picture of two monkeys in the 'Bengal Tiger' cage.)

Neon Tiger - Mmm-mmm good! -eats monkeys- Wait... Two things. One, why is there a house right next to a zoo? Second, why is the aforementioned house a green screen picture?

MSX - -shrugs-

(The scene changes again, not only to a picture of two boats, but to a drawbridge.)

Bridgekeeper - -sigh- It's been so lonely since everone stopped coming. I'm gonna have to start asking myself questions. Like, how much wood would a wodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

(He pauses awkwardly as he realizes that he doesn't know, then flies into oblivion. The scene changes again to a worn down golf course, then to a series of ancient ruins in which several natives sacrifice a virgin.)

Native - Come! Let us feed on her inards!

MSX - Dibs on the bladders.

(The natives turn to MSX.)

MSX - What? Haven't you ever seen Jeepers Creepers? You know, monster eats eyes, sees better. I'm having trouble with mine, so...

(MSX looks up and the natives are gone.)

MSX - More for me! -feeds on dead virgin flesh-

(The scene changes to a window in which the light goes out, then turns back on.)

MSX - -gasp- So spooky.

(Inside the room, Juno looks around.)

Juno - Why is it snowing in my room?

(Just as he drops the snow globe, he speaks his last word.)

Juno - Sled...

(The snow globe shatters just as two nurses walk in. They walk up to him, then pull the covers over him.)

Nurse #1 - Shouldn't we check his pulse?

Nurse #2 - Nah, he's dead.

Nurse #1 - Works for me.

(Suddenly, the scene changes to a video obituary.)

Narrator - Pointless Kubla-

William Shatner - KHAN!!!

Narrator - -reference. This place is the world's largest pleasure ground.

Trigger - We're so vacationing there.

Narrator - A lot of shit was made to make this place.

Trigger - -looking at wall made of shit- Ew... I take the vacation comment back...

Narrator - Contents of The Big Place: picture books, Johnny Cash cassettes, VHS documentaries, DVD documentaries, a piece of toast with Jesus on it, photographs of women taking a pee, photographs of men taking a pee, photographs of dogs taking a pee, and the largest collection of Playboy magazines the world has ever seen.

Trigger - ...okay...kinda weird...

Narrator - Livestock of The Big Place: none. However, inside the palace are two of every animals' testicles, the biggest balls-to-the-wall collection since Richard Simmons' gay birthday hoedown.

Trigger - ...uh...

Narrator - Since the Pyramids, The Big Place is the costliest monument a man has built to himself.

(The camera zooms out to show that the building looks like a giant penis. Trigger turns and runs away.)

Narrator - Juno had lots and lots of newspaper presses as well as grocery stores, paper mills, apartment buildings, factories, forests, ocean liners, and everyone's personal favorites: local strip clubs.

(Trigger slowly comes back.)

Narrator - Way back when, one of Juno's relatives got a deed to a mine. She became rich. Very. Very. Rich.

(Several congressmen talk, but when one of them calls Juno a communist, he suddenly appears behind him and puts his floating hand on the man's shoulders.)

Deep Voice - Finish him!

(The screen goes dark. When light returns, Juno is gone, but blood is everywhere.)

Deep Voice - Fatality!

Juno - Who's the communist now?

(After several more people talk crap about Juno and Juno Fatalitys them, a quote is show.)

Juno - I am, have been, and will be only one thing - drop-dead sexy.

(Juno begins stripping as porno music begins playing. Again, Trigger runs for his life.)

Narrator - Juno was screwed up. He'd say one thing, but would change his opinion at the snap of one's fingers.

Juno - Would not!

(Trigger snaps his fingers.)

Juno - Would too!

Narrator - Juno's first wife was a bitch, so Juno killed them and made it look lik an accident.

Juno - -hides brake pedal behind back- Did not.

Narrator - So, he did the sane thing. He married an opera singer.

Juno - Never do that. Trust me. You'll live to regret it.

Narrator - Despite this, Juno made an opera house for her. Cost: a lot of money. Half-finished before his wife left him, the still unfinished Big Place was built to her as well. Cost: a lot more money.

Juno - I crap money!

(Juno flushes the toilet and watches the hundred dollar bills swirl around and clog the toilet.)

Juno - -sigh- Time to unclog this thing.

(Juno grabs a solid gold plunger and begins plunging.)

Narrator - Just before his political career took flight, he was grounded indefinitely when he was photographed with an opera singer.

Random Citizen - He's with an opera singer?!

Random Citizen #2 - Opera's annoying and it sucks!

Random Citizen #3 - I'm totally not going to vote for him.

Narrator - Then, during the Great Depression, Juno's newspaper empire crumbled.

(Juno goes to read a newspaper, but it crumbles into dust. Juno then gasps and grows wide-eyed.)

Narrator - Then he was interviewed.

Reporter - What are the chances of war in Europe?

Juno - Trust me, there will be no war.

Hitler - Oh, I disagree!

Random Stereotypical Japanese Man - Kamikaze! -bombs Pearl Harbor-

Juno - Well, fuck.

Narrator - And then, after a slow, lonely end to his life, he died. The end.

MSX - -totally not sleeping this time- Snore... Snore...

Trigger - -sigh- Let's just finish this.

(The newsreel ends and Trigger begins talking.)

Bola - Maybe Juno told us all about him in his final words.

Trigger - Really?

Bola - Do you know what the last thing he said on this Earth was?

Trigger - I don't read the newspaper.

Bola - Moron... He said 'Rosebud'!

Klaymore - Maybe it was a racehorse he bet on?

Bola - Perhaps, but unlikely. Trigger, I want you to interview his second wife. She's still living. I want you to interview everyone who knew him, who hated him, who loved him. Hell, go up to random strangers and see if they know anything about him!

Trigger - Um... Okay... -leaves-

Bola - Rosebud... It'll probably be something really simple. Like a sled.

Random Man - Oh, please! There's np way that Rosebud is his sled.

(The two laugh pompously as MSX raises an eyebrow.)

MSX - These guy's are weird. And that's coming from me.

(Lightning flashes and someone's face is revealed.)

Trigger - -screams- Oh wait... It's just a painting on the wall. -walks off- Freaking creepy...

(Trigger goes into a bar and sits down with Tron.)

Tron - Get out!

(Trigger beats her across the face with a 2x4.)

Trigger - I will leave. But when I come back, you'd better have fixed your attitude. And your face. -enters phone booth and picks up phone- Hello, boss? She won't talk. I beat her across the face, so she'll probably talk next time. Listen, I'm gonna do some shit. Okay, bye. -hangs up-

(The scene changes to a large statue that resembles the Thinker.)

Statue - I'll totally thinking right now.

(Trigger walks up to Shu.)

Trigger - Can I see his diary?

Shu - No.

Trigger - -punches Shu in face- Let me see the book!

Shu - -unconscious-

Trigger - Crap... Wait...

(Trigger walks over and pushes the 'metal' door open.)

Trigger - That doesn't even look like real metal. -looks around- Is this where Rod Serling filmed 'The Obsolete Man'?

Serling - Uh... No?

Trigger - -shrugs- Works for me!

(By reading the diary, Trigger unknowingly triggers a flashback... That was bad, wasn't it? Anyways, Juno, who looks younger, sleds down a hill.)

Juno - This sled's name is Rosebud!

(Juno throws a snowball and hits an old man in the face, causing him to flip over his rocking chair.)

Juno - -dunks hand- Yes! Twenty points!

(Inside, Banner begins arguing with Matilda and Barrell.)

Banner - Rabble! Rabblerabble!

Matilda - Rabblerabble!

Barrell - .........Rabble.

Banner - Rabblerabblerabblerabble!

Barrell - .........fifty-thousand a year...........rabble.

Banner - -shrugs- Rabblerabble...

(Outside, the three approach Juno.)

Barrell - .............rabblerabble...

Juno - I don't wanna!

Barrell - ..............very rich.............rabblerabble.

Juno - -starts- Why are we standing around in this dump?! I want my money! Away! -sleds away-

(Barrell runs over, knocks him off, grabs him, and flies off like Superman.)

Juno - Rooooosebuuuuuud!

Banner - Rabble?

Matilda - -shrugs- Rabblerabble.

(Elsewhere, Juno celebrates his first Christmas away from his parents.)

Barrell - Merry Christmas rabblerabble.

(Juno scowls.)

Juno - Shove your Merry Christmas up your Merry Asshole!

Geatz - And a Happy New Year!

(Several years later, as Juno is about to turn twenty-five, he demands that he gain control of the newspaper.)

Barrell - Fun to run a newspaper rabblerabble?!

(Barrell scowls, but instead, it looks likes he's having trouble taking a dump.)

Geatz - Are you having trouble taking a dump?

(See? Later, Juno runs a newspaper, but releases false headlines.)

Barrell - Is this your idea on how to run a newspaper rabblerabble?!

Juno - -shrugs- It's mine now. I'll do what ever I want with it. By the way, I'm about to release my first truthful headline.

(Juno hands Barrell a paper that says 'Barrell Is Gay; Evidence Discovered!' Barrell growls and tears it in half.)

Barrell - This is ridiculous rabble! You're gonna lose a million dollars each year rabblerabble!!

Juno - -gasps- Really?! in that case, I'll have to close this place in... -holds up random number of fingers- 200,739 years. I'm fucking rich, baby, and there ain't shit you can do about it! Ahahahaha!! -does the worm-

(During the Great Depression, Juno walks up to Barrell.)

Juno - We're broke. Old man Barrell's about to kick the can, and I'm slowly developing the ability to crap money. That is awesome! -dunks hand, then does the worm-

(Back in the present day, Trigger stand up and turns to the security guard.)

Trigger - You're not Rosebud, are you? Of course not. You're too ugly. Well, thanks for the hall. See you in Hell. -walks off-

(In some office, Trigger begins talking with Barrell.)

Barrell - Back in 1896, I was on a ferry and-

Trigger - Yeah, yeah, that's really fucking interesting. Now, about Rosebud?

Barrell - Don't know. But, did you know that he was thrown out of several colleges?

Trigger - Yeah, that's really not int- What?

Barrell - Yeah. He was a frat boy in every sense of the word.

(The scenes changes briefly to a picture of Juno dancing drunkenly with a bra on his head.)

Juno - Fuck yeah! -guzzles down a keg of beer-

(That flashback opens up another flashback in which Juno takes over the newspaper 'The Daily Shit'.)

Data - Do you have any plans?

Juno - First things first. Keep... the name... I like it.

(A loud crash is heard and everyone turns to Teasel and, for some unknown reason, everyone begins yelling someone's name.)

Juno - Shut up! Just... Shut! Up!

(Later, Walt Disney storms out of an office.)

Disney - I can't do it! I'm no good as an animator.

Juno - I know. Looks like you're not going to get very far in this field.

(Everyone slowly turns to the camera.)

Disney - What are we looking at?

(Just then, Data storms in.)

Data - This is a respectable newspaper!

Juno - Not anymore!

(Juno picks Data up and punts him out of the window.)

Juno - Stupid little dancing monkey...

(After coming up with a paper idea, Juno smirks.)

Juno - I'm gonna make a respectable newspaper that gives honest headlines... Oh, screw that! Who cares about honesty?!

(Someone reading this slowly raises his and/or her hand. Juno's fist punches that person through the screen and everyone turns to him.)

Data - You just broke the fourth wall.

Juno - How'd you get back in? I'm totally gonna punt you again when I'm done doing... this! -does the worm-

Gatz - I want that piece of paper when you're done with it. I have a feeling that it'll become something important. Like the Constitution. Or the Declaration of Indepence. Or the menu at Olive Garden. Or the funny pages. Or the manual to my radio. Or the nutritional facts on a box of cereal. Or-

Juno - We get the point.

(After this scene, a large stack of newspapers are shown. A hooded man walks up and begins pouring gasoline on it.)

Jerry Lee Lewis - Goodness gracious. Great balls of fire! -lights match and is immediately swallowed by flames-

(Later, Juno has a picture taken of several people.)

Juno - You know, I'll bet that those fools at The Pooper Scooper are talking about how awesome their crew is.

Pooper Scooper CEO - I'm totally talking about how awesome my crew is!

Juno - Well, it's mine now, bitch! -maniacal laughter followed by the worm-

(As he watches the movie, MSX's jaw drops.)

MSX - ....the fuck? Did he just summon a mariachi band out of thin air?

Juno - I can do that too.

MSX - Don't. My mind couldn't take it right now.

(MSX continues watching with fascination.)

MSX - I honestly don't know how to parody this scene. I mean, it's just... crazy. If you pause it at the right time, you can see what looks like some black guy having fun taking a crap.

Juno - -looks at screen- It does!

MSX - This movie's weird...

(After the weird party scene, the scene changes to a building full of-)

MSX - Mannequins? No... Statues?

Random Guy - I just got a cable from Mr. Kane!

Verizon Guy - Can you hear me now?

Random Guy - I said I just got a cable from Mr. Kane!

Verizon Guy - Good.

Random Guy - Listen! I just got a cable from Mr. Kane!

Verizon Guy - Show me.

(Random Guy holds up an actual cable, then does the lolwut face. The Verizon Guy smacks him and goes on his way. Back at the newspaper building, Juno ru- ...floats in.)

Juno - Trophy? Give me! -snatches trophy away- Mine! -floats off-

(Everyone looks outside. In a carriage is Sera and two other guys.)

Other Guy 1 - Come on, Juno! The popos are upon us!

(Juno gets in and drives off just as the police drive by. Back in the present day, Trigger boots the man in the head and walks off.)

Trigger - Thanks for nothing.

(Trigger goes to a building underneath a bridge and begins talking with an old man.)

Glyde - I am not old!

(Veeeeeeeeeeeeeery old.)

Glyde - -angry screaming-

Trigger - -clears throat- Rosebud?

Glyde - -grumbling- I can't help you with Rosebud. But I can tell you about Emily.

(Trigger punches him in the face.)

Trigger - Tell me about Rosebud!

(The scene slowly fades to a flashback, but Sera screams.)

Juno - -runs in- What?!

Sera - -points to transparent Glyde's head- There's a creepy old man's head looking at me!

Glyde's Head - -growling- I'm not old!!

(During the next scene, it shows Juno and Sera growing increasingly angry with each other.)

Juno - Why is there a blur between scenes?

Sera - I don't know. Why don't you ask your whore?

(Juno strangles Sera.)

Juno - Her name is Maria and she is a good teddy bear!

Sera - -choking- That... geezer is... back...

Glyde - -screams- I'm! Not! Old!

(The scene changes to a flashback of Juno meeting Tron.)

Tron - If you want, I can let you inside and give you some hot water.

Juno - If by hot water, you mean sex, then yes please!!

(Inside, Juno wiggles both his ea-)

Juno - -anime crying- I don't have any ears!

(Later, Juno is making shadow puppets.)

Juno - This one's my favorite.

(Juno makes a penis shadow and Tron turns to see that he's pulled his pants down.)

Juno - Oh yeah... So... What do you do?

Tron - I... want to be... a sing-

Juno - A doctor?! You're hired!

Tron - Hired for what?

Juno - Hired to be my wife!

Tron - ...okay...

(Later, Tron is singing opera and Juno's putting his hands where his ears should be.)

Juno - -anime crying- I still don't have any ears...

(The scene changes to an alley where Juno's governor race is being held.)

Random Guy - Wonder who they're rooting for?

(Random Guy looks around at all the posters that say 'Juno', then shrugs.)

Random Guy - Who indeed.

(Later, back in Tron's room, Juno, Tron, Sera, and The Guildmaster all stand around.)

Juno - Guildmaster, you're a real fucking douche, you know that?

The Guildmaster - I don't know the meaning of the word.

Juno - Let me help you learn.

(Juno proceeds to beat the shit out of The Guildmaster.)

Elecman - Is that part of the script?

MSX - No... -takes bite of popcorn- ...but it works...

(The Guildmaster's plan goes through and Juno's political reputation is ruined.)

Juno - Meh. Who gives a shit about politics these days?

George Dubya - I'm with ya on that one.

(The scene changes to an office.)

Gatz - Juno!

Juno - Gatz!

(They stand there for a while until Gatz turns to leave.)

Gatz - I'm off to Chicago.

Juno - Enjoy! Wanker...

(A headline appears that says 'Juno Marries 'Singer'')

Tron - What do they mean 'singer'? I do to sing!

Juno - -muttering- About as good as Ashlee Simpson...

Tron - Pardon me!

Juno - Nothing, dear!

(In the car, Juno and Tron talk to Von Bleucher.)

Von Bleucher - Are you going to sing at the Metropolitan?

Tron - Of course. If I didn't, Juno said he'd make me an opera house!

Juno - That won't be neccessary!

(Another headline pops up reading 'Tron Doesn't Sing At Metropolitan'.)

Juno - Damn...

(Just before the show starts, a bunch of people run around in circles.)

Random Guy - Show's starting!

(Everyone scampers away just as the curtain rises. The camera scrolls up to a catwalk to where two guys are standing.)

Guy #1 - I'll bet you a hundred bucks that I can spit into her mouth.

Guy #2 - You're on!

(Guy #1 spits and it falls straight into her mouth. While they laugh, Tron claws her way up to the catwalk.)

Tron - Death to the insolent ones!! -kills both Guys-

(In some building Juno walks in and stands in the view of a person who is talking about the opera. A few minutes later, the man notices.)

Man - Juno!

Juno - It's about damn time you noticed me!

(In the office, Juno looks over some guy's reivew of Tron's opera, then laughs.)

Juno - Shoot him.

Some Dude - What?!

Juno - In the head preferably. And with a silencer. And if you don't, then I'll kill him _and_ you.

(When Gatz wakes up, he walks out in the large room where Juno sits.)

Juno - Hello, Douche.

Gatz - Hello, Juno.

Juno - Fuck off, Douche.

Gatz - Very well, Juno. -fucks off-

Juno - ...I'm gonna have to kill Some Dude...

(Back in the present, Glyde calls the nurse, then leans forward.)

Glyde - Could you go down to the cigar store and get me a few cigars?

Trigger - Sure, but...

Glyde - But what?

Nurse - You do know that I'm standing right here, right?

Glyde - So?

Nurse - I heard every word.

Glyde - Oh...

(At the bar, Trigger interviews Tron.)

Tron - He built that opera house. He gave me singing lessons.

Trigger - Singing lessons?

(Another flashback begins.)

Trigger - Not another one...

(Tron is younger and is singing until Mario interupts her.)

Mario - Mamma mia! You're-a singing... It's-a hurting my head! Perhaps you should-a jump off of a bridge-a somewhere! -leaves-

Juno - -stops Mario- Where are-a you going? If you don't get-a back in there, I'm-a gonna blow your head off-a with a bazooka.

Mario - Mamma mia! I need-a my head to live!

Juno - Then move...

(During the opera, everyone falls asleep, so Juno set the building on fire.)

Juno - I hope whoever owns this building has insurance.

Tron - But _you_ own it!

Juno - Oh crap!

(After seeing her review, Tron officially enters 'Bitch Mode'.)

Juno - Tron, I suggest that you stop being such a bitch.

Tron - Or what?!

(Juno punches Tron in the chest so hard, she dies.)

Juno - Wait...

(Juno tapes her back together and she starts bitching again, causing Juno to sigh. Then, after opera numerous openings, Tron tries killing herself.)

Tron - Juno...? Crap, I'm still alive.

Juno - I'll remember that.

(After moving into The Big Place, Tron complains some more while Juno walks up to the fireplace.)

Juno - I just noticed that this fireplace is big enough to put someone in. Hmm... Anyays, I was thinking about going to a picnic in the Everglades.

Tron - I don't want to.

Juno - I said. I was thinking about going to a picnic.

(While the band plays 'It Can't Be Love', Juno and Tron yell at each.)

Juno - This song is fitting!

Tron - My thoughts exactly!

(In Tron's room, Juno grabs her.)

Juno - I won't let you go. -lets go- Oops...

(Back in the present, Trigger looks at Tron.)

Trigger - We're gonna burn all his stuff tomorrow.

Juno's Ghost - What?!

Tron - I'm game!

(Later, dramatic music plays as the scene changes to the penis-shaped symbol at the top of the gate.)

MSX - -gasp- So spooky.

Glyde - ...who uses the term 'spooky' anymore?

(At The Big Place, Trigger talks with Lex Luth- I mean, Lex Loath.)

Lex Loath - ...like the time his wife left!

(The scene changes, but a picture of a cockatoo appears.)

MSX - Oh God! Evil... killer... cockatoo... Wait... I'm an evil killer cockatoo!

Trigger - Are not!

(MSX turns into an Evil Killer Cockatoo and flies off. The scene changes to the inside of The Big Place. Juno walks up and looks out the 'window'.)

Juno - Wow. That's totally not a green screen or anything! -walks off-

(Juno returns to Tron's room and begins destroying everything.)

Juno - Destruction is fun!

MSX - -returns to normal form- Damn straight! -helps in the destruction-

(Juno slowly walks down the hall.)

Juno - I'm walking in the hall.

(His reflection appears in the mirror.)

Juno - I'm walking in the mirror.

(Juno pauses and looks to his left.)

Juno - Whoa... Trippy...

(While going through Juno's stuff in the present, Trigger notices a stack of Playboy magazines. He looks around, then shoves several of them down his pants. Then, everyone begins conversing about Rosebud.)

Trigger - Pity I never found out what Rosebud was. Oh well. It was probably nothing.

(The scene changes to workers throwing junk into the furnace. Unknowing to them, they throw in Rosebud, which is the seld Juno had as a kid.)

Juno - Rosebud! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-

MSX - Thank you to all of you who've read, enjoyed, and reviewed my Random Megaman Parody Show fics. Here's to another hundred parodies! -raises bottle of booze-

Juno - -ooooooooooooooooo-deep breath-ooooooooooooooooooooooo-

MSX - Does he have an off button?


	8. Robocop

MSX - Alright, back to work, lamebrains.

Elecman - Of course, oh glorious leader...

MSX - I know I am, but what else am I?

Elecman - An asshole.

MSX - Thanks. Anyways, now it's time to parody one of my favorite movies when I was growing up. It was so cool, I got a two foot tall action figure of him.

Elecman - Really? What's that?

* * *

RPN: 101

Parody: Robocop

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Zero

* * *

(Some guy is at home watching TV when a news break occurs.)

Announcer - This is Media Break. You give us three minutes, we'll give you the world.

Some Guy - I don't want the world! I want to to get off the TV so I can watch Full House!

Reporter - Something about a Star Wars Space Station.

MSX - -jaw dropped- They actually made a space station on Star Wars? And the president's there?

Some Guy - It's just a name.

(On the space station, The Imperial March begins playing as Darth Vader approaches the President.)

Darth Vader - Mr. President, I demand that I recieve full control of this space station.

President - No.

Darth Vader - Very well. I will see you in court. I will see to it that George Lucas has your testicles on a silver platter by the end of the week. -leaves-

(The scene changes to a commercial about a hospital. As the doctor walks down the hall, a man in a wheelchair is wheeled by. His organs are spilling out of his chest, but no one seems to care.)

Doctor - Come to the Family Heart Center. And remember, we care.

(The news comes back on and reveal a picture of the supposed crime boss.)

Some Guy - Phil Collins?!

MSX - No, this is a parody. That's Dr. Weil.

(At the police station, just as Fefnir enters the door, two Pantheons are thrown out by Copy X.)

Copy X - And take Laughing BOy with you!

(Copy X throws a boy laughing like Woody Woodpecker out of the window.)

Fefnir - Uh... I'm being transferred from Metro South.

Copy X - Metro South?

Fefnir - I'm coming from somewhere else.

Copy X - Oh, I got you! -examines paper- Get your shit and get ready.

(Fefnir goes into the back and meets a Pantheon.)

Fefnir - I'm from Metro Sou- I mean, somewhere else.

Pantheon - Welcome to Hell.

(Fefnir turns the corner and nearely falls into a room labeled 'Eternal Damnation'. The Pantheon laughs.)

Pantheon - You're okay, new guy. Most newbies walk right in there. Serves them right.

(Copy X walks into the locker room and takes out Cerveau's name tag.)

Copy X - Guy died just in case you don't know. The funeral's tomorrow. The kegger is being held at my place afterwards.

(Everyone cheers.)

Pantheon - Whoo! Kegger!

(Up front, Leviathan is struggling to get a Resistance soldier under control. When that doesn't work, she impales him with her halberd and nails him to the wall.)

Leviathan - Stay!

Resistance Solider - -stays-

Leviathan - Play dead.

Resistance Solider - -dies-

Leviathan - Good boy.

Fefnir - I'd totally have a hardon if I wasn't in all this heavy armor.

Copy X - Stop whining, you baby!

(In the garage, Fefnir gets in the driver's side door, then drives so fast up the ramp, the car takes flight.)

Leviathan - What the hell?!

Fefnir - Aren't GTA codes the best?

(At a large office building, Harpuia talks about stuff Phantom and a Pantheon, then walks into the office where Elpizo waits.)

Elpizo - In six months, we will tear down Neo Arcadia and make... Dick City!

(Everyone turns around to see a model of a small city with one large penis-shaped building in the center. Everyone applauds, but Harpuia looks disgusted. Then, as Kraft stands up, Harpuia cuts off Phantom's hands.)

Harpuia - Clap softer next time.

Kraft - I say good business is when you find it.

Harpuia - Given the city's state, that'll probably be on the corner of Fifth and Madison. -laughs-

(As Kraft describes the 'perfect police officer', Fefnir, who is washing the windows for no reason, constantly points to himself.)

Fefnir - -muffled- I'm a robot, you moron! I can fight crime 24-7!

(Fefnir's rope snaps and he falls out of sight just as everyone turns to the window.)

Harpuia - Must've been the wind.

(As Kraft opens the door, Zero walks in.)

Kraft - You there!

Pantheon - Me, sir?

Kraft - How would you like to be his first victi- I mean, subject?

Pantheon - Sure!

(Zero activates and instructs the Pantheon to drop his weapon.)

Zero - Drop your weapon, bitch.

Pantheon - -does so-

Zero - I'm am now going to kill you anyways.

(Zero points his fingers at the Pantheon and, everytime he says 'Bang!', a large hole appears in Pantheon.)

Zero - I'm that awesome.

Harpuia - Someone wanna call a paramedic?!

Kraft - I'm pretty certain he's dead.

(As Harpuia and Phantom ride the elevator down, they converse.)

Harpuia - To bad about Kinney, huh?

Phantom - Fuck Kinney. He was an asskisser in every sense of the word.

Harpuia - That's true.

(On the road, Dr. Weil flips out.)

Weil. - You burnt the fucking money!

Pantheon - I had to blow the door!

(Weil grabs the Pantheon and throws him out of the back door and into the street where Fefnir and Leviathan drive over him.)

Weil - Cops?! Aw, fuck!

(Weil closes the door not knowing that a sign attached to the back of the door says 'We're gonna unleash hell. Pull up alongside us.')

Fefnir - Works for me.

Leviathan - Let's do this. -pulls alongside the van-

(Weil busts down the door and everyone unleashes hell.)

Weil - Where'd they go?!

(After a brief shootout, a Pantheon gets shot in the leg.)

Weil - Can you fly, Bobby?

Pantheon - My name's not Bobby!

(Weil throws him out of the van, but he flies away.)

Weil - Well, that was unexpected...

(After chasing them to their hideout, Fefnir and leviathan split up. Levithan sneaks up behind a Pantheon taking a leak.)

Leviathan - Freeze.

Pantheon - Mind if I zip this up?

Leviathan - Sorry, you don't need to 'cause you don't have one.

Pantheon - Can you just go along with the scene please?

Leviathan - Sigh... Fine. -flips over ledge and lands on crates-

(In a different room, Fefnir finds Omega watching TV.)

Fefnir - Remember this line.

(Fefnir gets ambushed and Weil walks up to him.)

Weil - You must be some kind of great cop.

Fefnir - Give me a minute and I will be.

(Fefnir gets knocked down and Weil blows his hand off.)

Fefnir - Righty! Nooooooooo! I used that hand to wack off!

Weil - Oops. Trigger finger slipped.

Fefnir - You're one evil motherfucker.

MSX - Now, if you've seen this movie or are going to, then you should know that this scene's already funny as hell, so the best I can do to parody it is this:

(Omega, Weil, and several Pantheons point their fingers at Fefnir, yell 'Bang' constantly, and Fefnir gets blown to hell and back. Then, he s rushed to the hospital.)

Fefnir - -having an out-of-body experience- Funny how they're trying to save me even though there's no way I'll ever survive this. And... -has series of flashbacks- What the hell is this shit? Aw, I'm trippin' off acid!

(A series of scenes follow chroniclling Fefnir's transformation. At the end of one of them, Phantom looks at Fefnir.)

Phantom - You're gonna be a bad motherfucker!

Fefnir - -thinking- I already am.

(The next scene is a party.)

Fefnir - -thinking- What happened? Did I just get laid?

(As Fefnir arrives at the police station, everyone watches as he enters a room.)

Resistance Soldier - What is this shit?

Pantheon - For once, I agree with this guy.

(As instructions on how to work Fefnir are given, Harpuia samples the food that Fefnir eats.)

Harpuia - Tastes like baby food.

(Fefnir turns his head.)

Fefnir - Did somebody say Gerber's?

(Fefnir walk over, takes the food, and devours it, cup and all.)

Fefnir - Yummy.

(At the shooting range, everyone looks as Fefnir blows a Resistance soldier to hell.)

Fefnir - I am. That awesome. -spins gun, then holsters it.-

(As Fefnir walks in on a robbery, the Resistance solider sighs.)

Resistance Solider - Fuck me.

Fefnir - Yes. Fuck you indeed. -blows solider to hell, then leaves-

MSX - In the next scene, Robocop shoots a guy in the crotch. I can't parody that. That's awesome enough as is!

(A hostage situation unfolds and Fefnir responds. He looks to the second story.)

Fefnir - Get a trampoline ready. -walks inside- There you are.

(Fefnir punches through the wall, grabs the Resistance soldier, then thorws him out the window. He lands on a trampoline, bounces off, and lands on his neck.)

Fefnir - -walks outside- Why waste ammo when a trampoline is all that you need?

(During a news report, Fefnir is asked if he wants to say anything to the kidfs watching at home.)

Fefnir - I'm going to come to your house tonight and kill your parents in cold blood.

(Immediately after that, a commercial for 'Nukem' is shown.)

Duke Nukem - That game looks really shitty. I'm gonna have to kick ass and chew bubble gum.

(Duke opens his 'Gum Drawer', but finds it empty, causing his jaw to drop. Later, in the executive lounge, Phantom runs into Kraft after talking crap about him. During the talk, Kraft grabs Phantom's helmet. In retaliation, Phantom shoves a kunai into Kraft's penis hole.)

Phantom - I hear surgeries to turn you from a guy to a gril are realy popular these days. -leaves-

(Back at the police station, Fefnir begins to remeber the scene where he was blown to hell. During this time, two Pantheons look at the monitors.)

Pantheon 1 - Let's look the other way!

Patheon 2 - Agreed! -looks other way-

(As Fefnir begins walking away, he runs into Leviathan.)

Leviathan - It's you, Murphy!

Fefnir - I do not know any... Murphy.

Leviathan - Me neither, but it is you! I know it is!

Fefnir - Excuse me, crazy lady.

(As Phantom grabs Copy X's arm, he slowly looks to Phantom.)

Phantom - It's classified. You hear me?

Copy X - Yeah. Now get the fuck out of my precinct before I get real mad.

Phantom - I'd like to see that. -leaves-

(At the gas station, Omega walks up to the counter, but the man is busy. He taps on the glass and the man turns around just in time for him to ejaculate all over the glass.)

Omega - Motherfucker!!

(Omega shoots the hell out of the booth.)

Omega - Keep your money, ya fucking perv.

(Just then, Fefnir pulls up, gets out, and holds up his gun.)

Fefnir - Do you remember that line?

Omega - We killed you! We killed you! -opens fire-

(As Omega drives off, Fefnir shoots his motorcycle's wheel and Omega heads straight for a car.)

Omega - Ragdoll physics!!

(Omega flops around like a ragdoll and Fefnir picks him up.)

Fefnir - Who are you? Who are you?!

Omega - -totally dead-

Narrator - Five hours later...

Fefnir - Who the fuck are you?!

Omega - -still totally dead-

Fefnir - Firefighters should've been here by now. Their response time totally sucks.

(At the station, Fefnir's hand folds over itself and a large spike pops out, accidently impaling a Pantheon in its' eye.)

Fefnir - Oops.

(Fefnir returns to his old house and a TV greets him.)

TV - Hello, shopper! Let's take a stroll through your new home.

Fefnir - -points gun at TV- Don't fuck with me, buddy.

TV - -shuts up-

(At the nght club, Fefnir walks up to another Pantheon.)

Fefnir - Where is Phil Collins?

Pantheon - I dunno.

Fefnir - Where is Dr. Weil?

(The Pantheon kicks Fefnir in the nuts, only to hurt his foot. Fefnir kicks the Pantheon in the nuts, succeeding in splitting him in half.)

Fefnir - Oops.

(At Phantom's house, Weil breaks down the door and orders Ciel and Neige to leave.)

Ciel - Are you gonna call me?

Phantom - I've got a fucking gun to my face!! I won't be calling anyone again!!

(As Weil walks away from the house, it blows up. But instead of an explosion, the only sound made is 'Kaboom.'

(In the drugs factory, everyone points guns at each other.)

Weil - Guns, guns, guns. Come on, Sal! -echoing- Can you feel it coming in the air tonight?!

(During the shootout, Fefnir constantly points at someone, goes 'Bang', and kills them.)

Fefnir - Skittles and bits.

(After beating the shit out of Weil, Fefnir smirks.)

Fefnir - How many people can say that they've kicked Phil Collins' ass before?

(At the office bulding, Fefnir goes to arrest Kraft, but begins spazzing out.)

Kraft - That's Directive 4. Any attempt to arrest an OCP employee will result in a major cases of... the hiccups.

Fefnir - -hiccups- Bastard! -hiccups-

(Zero beats the shit out of Fefnir, but he manages to make it to the stairs where Zero slips on his ridiculous ponytail.)

Fefnir - That's what you get, blondie.

(After barely escaping the shootout, Fefnir looks outside and sees a giant dinosaur.)

Fefnir - First, corrupt politicians. Now, Godzilla. What next? Space Invaders?

(In space, the invaders speak amongst themselves.)

Invader 1 - The humans know of our plans!

Invader 2 - Retreat! Retreat!

(At the office building, Weil walks up to Alouette.)

Weil - If you want, when I'm done, we can go out and do something together.

Alouette - Pedo alert! Pedo alert!

(Several officers arrest Weil and drag him away.)

Weil - Not again! I just got out!

(At the abandoned warehouse, Fefnir gets ready to remove his helmet.)

Fefnir - You may not like what you see...

(Fefnir removes his face, revealing that he has the face of Rcihard Simmons.)

Leviathan - Disgusting!

Fefnir - Very. Now, let's jazzercise.

(That night, Omega is watching some show when a riot breaks out.)

Omega - Shut up! I'm trying to watch TV!

Random Guy - But the Lions won the Super Bowl!

Omega - The Detroit Lions won?! But they suck!

Random Guy - I know!

Omega - Fuck TV. I gotta go steal a cake! -runs off-

(At the abandoned warehouse, Leviathan helps Fefnir aim. For targets, he uses baby food cans.)

Fefnir - Die, babies. -shoots- Die. -shoots again-

(The bad guy crew arrives and Fefnir watches them.)

Fefnir - I can totally kill them all right now, but I won't.

(Chasing after Fefnir, Omega accidently drives into a txoci waste tank. When he reemerges, he is in his Zero form. He stumbles around unti lhe is mowed over by Zero, who is acting out of character.)

Zero - Copy me, will you? You dirty motherfucker you!

(After wtinessing Omega being mowed down, Weil drives his car straight into a ravine. As he shoots Leviathan, Fefnir walks up.)

Fefnir - Perfect timing. Something that only exists in movies. L. O. L.

(Just as the Pantheon that was split in half seemingly kills Fefnir, Leviathan blows him to hell.)

Weil - A moment of silence for the numbnuts. He certainly went out with a bang.

(Just as Weil impales Fefnir, Fefnir stabs Weil into the neck with his finger spike.)

Fefnir - Sayanora, Phil Collins.

(Just as Fefnir pulls up to the large office building, Zero walks up.)

Zero - Move your car, bitch.

Fefnir - No. -blows Zero up-

Leviathan - Well, that's like the fifty time he's died.

(Upstairs, Kraft gets screwed.)

Elpizo - Kraft, you're fired!

Kraft - Ah hell...

(As Kraft falls to his death, he yells.)

Kraft - This totally isn't a green screen!!

(Just before Fefnir walk off, Elpizo speaks.)

Elpizo - Nice shooting. What's your name?

Fefnir - Tex.

MSX - -doing lolwut face-


	9. Frankenstein

RPN: 102

Parody: Frankenstein

Tribute: n/a

Cast: ZX

* * *

(Thon walks onto a stage.)

Thon - We're about to unfold the tale of Dickenstein, a man of science, who tried creating a man after his own image. Without asking permission from God, Satan, and the National Committee of Building People From Dead Parts, or NCBPFDP. It begins with the two biggest mysteries of existance: life and why Michael Jackson won't admit that he's a pedophile despite the fact that everyone knows he is one.

(As the parody opens, MSX tilts his head.)

MSX - I'm confused. Is this a movie of a 1930's short cartoon?

(The scene changes to a funeral and Model A floats up.)

Model A - Did someone die?

(Everyone turns to him.)

Model A - What?

(As the camera scrolls around, it shows two nerds beating up an old man and taking his large staff, which has a bell at the top.)

Nerd #1 - Fool! I am Relai, a Level 46 Paladin of Aldrisar! And now, with this staff, I can rule the world!

Nerd #2 - And I, Pudof of Aldrisar, shall assist!

MSX - -gasp- Unexpected nerd tax! Roll a six or higher to avoid!

(The Nerds gasp and roll specialized dies. The camera keeps scrolling and a skeleton in full clothing is sitting against a tree.)

Skull Man - Hurry the fuck up! I gotta take a leak!

(Elsewhere, Aile is getting undressed as Prometheus looks over the fence. Just then, Albert pulls him down.)

Albert - Get down, you fool! -stares lustfully- Oh yeah. Who's a dirty girl...?

(Just as Aile leaves the room, Albert decides to sneak in and steal her panties. Prometheus raises his head again.)

Albert - Listen closely. I want you to sneak in their and steal her panties. And, when you come back, I want you to tell me why I look like Dracula.

Prometheus - Yesh, mashter. -hobbles off-

(Prometheus returns seconds later with a pair of boxers.)

Albert - These aren't panties.

(Vent yells.)

Vent - Some jackass hunchback stole my boxers!

(Vent runs to the window and, by the grace of God, his penis is shielded by the wall.)

Vent - I'm gonna kill you!

Albert - Not if I kill him first! -strangles Prometheus- Don't you ever screw up again!!

(They run to a graveyrd where they decide to dig up a grave.)

Prometheus - Here he comesh!

Albert - Yes. He's just resting, waiting for new life.

Girouette - Actually, I'm still alive. So, if you could go get some help, that'd be swell.

Albert - Igor. Open this coffin and say hello to our friend.

(Prometheus opens the coffin and hits Giro over the head with a shovel.)

Prometheus - Anything elshe?

Albert - So, you can follow orders...

(As the two heave it up a mountain side, everyone from a nearby elevator look at them strangely.)

Prometheus - You know, we could've taken the elevator.

Albert - Silence! We'll do things my way. If I say eat your own head, you'll do it!!

Prometheus - Yesh, shir.

Albert - Here we are. -looks up at man hanging- Go up there and cut the rope. Here's a herring.

(Albert hands Prometheus a herring and he raises an eyebrow.)

Albert - Hurry up! If Monty Python can cut a tree down with one, then surely you can cut a rope!

(Halfway up the pole, the cart begins rolling down the mountain.)

Albert - Oh shit!

(Albert runs of, leaving Prometheus to watch.)

Prometheus - Bashtard! I alwaysh knew that he'd ditch me shomewhere!

(Albert returns seconds later with the cart.)

Albert - Finally.

Prometheus - -spontaneously next to Albert- Indeed.

Albert - Ah! How'd you get here?

Prometheus - I climbed down.

Albert - It took you at least three sconds to climb up, but ook less than a second to climb down?

Prometheus - Yesh!

Albert - -shakes head-

(Later, at a college, several scientists remove the sheets from the body of Serpent. As it is naked, everyone begins laughing when they see his penis.)

Prairie - These jars will remain here if you want to see them again. Or if anyone wants to steal them.

Prometheus - Perfect!

(After everyone leaves, Prometheus sneaks in, and pulls on the fake skeleton before screaming as if he hadn't seen it before. As he grabs the normal brain, MSX raises his eyebrows Wily-style before smashing two trash can lids together, making him drop it. The brain falls onto the floor in one piece, but Prometheus shrugs and grabs the abnormal one anyways.)

Prometheus - What'sh the wrosht that could happen?

(The scene changes to a close-up of MSX's face.)

MSX - -loudly- This is a close-up!

(The MSX leaves and the camera shows Aile and Vent in a room.)

Aile - Forget about your boxers! We'll buy some more. Just help me figure this out. I can't understand any of it!

(Vent looks at the piece of paper and it is written in English.)

Vent - I can't understand this either. It appears to be written by a right-handed man... using his left hand... -dun dun dun- -close-up of Vent's face-

(Aile and Vent go to visit Grey, Albert's old teacher.)

Aile - What can you tell us about Albert?

Grey - Guy's a few cards short of card. He's a few chili dogs short of a coney island. He's a few kills awa from getting the Destroyer achievement on Megaman 9. He's nuts. He's a loon. He's intolerable. He's-

Aile - Shall we go see him?

Grey - Sure.

(At Albert's hideout, thunder and lightning crash as Prometheus climbs down from a ledge. He turns around, sees his reflection, and cowers in fear.)

Albert - Fool! You'll have plenty to be afraid of by the time this night is through.

(As someone knocks, Prometheus heads downstairs.)

Prometheus - Who ish it?

Grey - Your mother.

Prometheus - Mother?! -slams peephole shut-

(As the knocking resumes, Prometheus panics and runs upstairs.)

Albert - Who was it?

Prometheus - My mother!

(Albert gasps.)

Albert - That bitch! She'll ruin everything!

Aile - -on outside of door- I don't think he knew who you were.

Grey - Nonsense. Everyone is scraed of their mother.

(Grey slowly turns around to face Aile and Vent, who are rather pissed off.)

Grey - Help...

(Albert and Prometheus slowly walk downstairs with a shotgun.)

Albert - Who is it?!

Grey - Your mother.

(Albert gasps again.)

Albert - My mother too?! This calls for drastic measures. Igor, bring me the wiffle cannon!

Grey - -gasp- Guys? -turns around and sees that they've left- Guys...?

Albert - Take this, mother!

(Albert opens the door and blasts Grey away by firing a large wiffle ball at him. Aile and Vent appear and Albert allows them in.)

Vent - You're crazy, Albert.

Albert - Is that so? Follow me.

(The four go up to the top floor, where they find Grey.)

Albert - How'd you get in?

Grey - SOme giant wiffle ball hit me, blasted me around the world, and I landed right here.

Albert - But the wall's not broken!

Grey - Oh... Dunno then.

Albert - -uneasy groan- Are you sure you want to come in?

Grey - -nods- Three.

Vent - -nods- Pointless.

Aile - -nods- Seconds.

(Albert lets them in and locks the door.)

Prometheus - Don't touch that!

(Albert runs over to Grey, who's about to pee in a urinal.)

Albert - Sorry, doctor, but today is Tuesday. Please... -motions to identical urinal- ...urinate in the Tuesday urinal.

Grey - Okay...

(Albert waits until Grey sits down before approaching him.)

Albert - You said that the ultra violet ray was the highest color on the spectrum. You were wrong! I discovered one higher, one that breaths life into the bodies that live. First, I experimented on dead animals, then humans hearts. Then, I tried using it on Duke Nukem Forever. _That_ was the only time that my experiment failed and tonight, I shall prove it when I breathe new life into that body!

(Giro's arm slips out from under the covers and gives the thumbs-up.)

Albert - Indeed.

(Albert lifts Giro's body to the top of the tower, where the storm rages.)

Giro - Yep. Sure is stormy. You can lower me now. I said, you can lower me. Please...? -gets struck by lightning-

(Albert lowers the body and watches as it moves.)

Albert - It's alive! It's alive! It's- -body stops moving- Oh... No, it's not. Alright, Igor, let's lift it back up.

(Later, Vent and Aile talk with Model H, Albert's father.)

Model H - I'm so pompous. I wear a fez- -puts on a fez- -and smoke a bigass pipe. -bigass pipe floats by Model H-

(Model F floats in.)

Model F - I am the Burgomaster!

Hodel H - Given how fat you are, I'd say you're more like the Bugermaster.

Model F - You can't say that to me!

Hodel H - Of course I can! I'm pompous!

(At Albert's tower, Grey grows angry.)

Grey - You're young! Your success has intoxicated you!

Albert - -drunk- No... That wash... da booze! -hiccup- -faint-

(When Albert regains consciousness, Giro walks in.)

Albert - Come in.

Giro - -comes in-

Albert - Sit down.

Giro - -sits down-

Albert - Play dead.

Giro - -dies in melodramatic way-

Albert - See?! I does understand! Now, can't touch this!

Giro - -begins humming the MC Hammer song-

Prometheus - -walks in with torch- Mashtah!

(Giro begins freaking out.)

Albert - Get away with that torch, fool!

Prometheus - -holds torch closer-

Albert - Idiot! 'Get away' means leave!

Prometheus - Oh... -leaves-

(In the dungeon, Giro flails about.)

Giro - I am making shdow puppets! This is one of a man having a seizure!

(Prometheus comes in and stars being a douche to Giro.)

Albert - Leave it alone!

(Prometheus waits until Albert turns his back, then becomes a douche again.)

Albert - Very well. Mr. Poochykins, dinner time.

Giro - -eats Prometheus- Tasty... Want more!

(Giro breaks through the door and Grey injects him with a conveniently-handy anesthetic.)

Giro - Silly bitch! -backhands Grey-

Albert - I command you to stop!

Giro - Sillier bitch! -backhands Albert-

Vent - -opens door- What's going on here? -slips on banana peel-

Giro - Silliest bitch! -walks outside-

(Model H and Aile walk in as Grey comes to.)

Model H - Perhaps you can tell me what all this tommyrot's about. I'll be shot if I know.

Grey - You'll also be shot if you say 'tommyrot' again.

(Everyone goes into Albert's room as he collapses.)

Model H - Have you got any brandy?

(As Grey pulls a bottle out, Albert grabs it and guzzles it all down. Later that night, Giro returns.)

Giro - I forgot something. -strangles Grey- I'm off! -leaves again-

(Later, Albert and Aile are getting married.)

Model H - Several years ago, I put this around your mother's head. -holds up a foam finger hat that says 'We're Numer Yay!'- I would be very pleased if you did the same for Aile.

Albert - Uh... Okay...

MSX - Again, this is a scene that parodies itself. Baron Frankenstein tells the town that they're having a kegger amd the town cheers. That's awesome.

Duffman - Kegger at Frankenstein's! Oh yeah!

(At a lakeside, Giro turns to Prairie.)

Giro - Fresh food. Yum yum... What the...?!

(The pool goes from being real to being a green screen image.)

Giro - What the hell?!

(Giro gets sidetracked and begins throwing flowers into the lake.)

Giro - What was I doing? Oh yeah! -eats Prairie- Uh... -throws stuffed animal into lake-

(As Aile leads Albert into the other room, Albert steps on her gown and she falls.)

Aile - Idiot!

Albert - I'm not the one who chose the gown that's half a mile long!

(Vent interupts Aile's pointless worrying and pulls Albert outside.)

Aile - Don't leave me!

Albert - I won't! -leaves her, then locks the door-

Vent - The monster's in the house! He's upstairs!

(Everyone goes upstairs.)

Albert - He's in the cellar!

(Everyone goes downstairs.)

Vent - He's in Heaven!

(Everyone gets on an elevator and ascends into Heaven. God shrugs.)

Albert - He's in Hell!

(Everyone gets on an elevator and descends into Hell. Satan shrugs.)

Albert - He could be anywhere!

Vent - Have you check Aile's room?

Albert - No, but there's no chance that he'd be there.

Vent - So true.

Giro - -totally in Aile's room- -perverted chuckle-

(Outside, Model X heaves Prarie's corpse through town.)

Model X - Hey, everybody! Look what I found! She's been murdered!

(The crowd yells in agreement.)

Crowd Member - We totally don't need any evidence to support our claims!

(The crowd yells in agreement again. At the police station, the same crowd begins yelling again.)

Crowd Member - Nice hat, pigs!

Pigs - Thank you.

Crowd Member - Hey, officer! This pig's gotta a cooler hat than you! -gets shot by officer-

Model F - Albert, that's your group.

(Albert turns to a group of misfits.)

Hulk - Hulk smash!

Jack Thompson - We must stop the violent-doers!

The Tick - Spoon!

Oprah Winfrey - I'm gonna introduce this monster's face to my book of the month.

Oprah Fans - And we'll kill it!

Random Voice - And, with your powers combined I am-

Albert - Wrong parody.

Random Voice - Aw...

(At some intersection, Model F turns around.)

Model F - Lake posse!

Lake Posse - Yo, wassup?

Model F - This way!

Lake Posse - Let's do it to it! -gang poses-

(As Albert's group finds Giro, a man holding two dogs yells.)

Man Holding Dogs - I'm standing in front of a curtain!

(After Giro knocks Albert out, he carries him to a windmill.)

Giro - This highly-flammable windmill should do nicely. -goes inside- Oh noes! I'm locked inside. It's not like they're gonna burn it down.

Crowd Memeber - Let's burn it down!

Giro - Crap...

(After managing to elude Giro's watch, Albert leaps from the windmill and lands nuts-first on one of the blades.)

Albert - Oh... The humanity...

(As Giro tries to find a way out of the burning windmill, a large plank falls on him.)

Giro - Greatest... special effects... ever! That was so totally realistic.

MSX - And now, for the greatest ending ever...

Model H - I'm so pompous! Get me some wine! -holds up wine glass- Here's to never having to find out if the monster's truly dead.

MSX - Ta-dah!


	10. Dracula

RPN: 103

Parody: Dracula

Tribute: n/a

Cast: Classic

* * *

(The parody opens and several people are in a carriage.)

Ringman - I say, I bit slower, driver.

Aquaman - No...! We must reach the inn by nightfall.

Snakeman - Why's that?

Aquaman - It is Walpurgis night, the night of... -as Mermaid Man- EVIL!!

Snakeman - ...what's a Walpurgis?

(They reach a small town in Hungaria and the people begin taking down luggage.)

Ringman - Don't take down my luggage. I'm going on to Borgo Pass.

(Everyone stops and spins to him.)

Ringman - What?

(One of the men puts a bumper sticker on his suitcase that says 'Dead Man Driving'.)

Ringman - I say, that's vandalism!

Tideman - You must forgive him. The driver, he is afraid.

Ringman - But I must get to Borgo Pass by tonight. I've got a carriage waiting for me.

Tideman - Who's?

Ringman - Why, Count Chocula.

(Everyone gasps.)

Tideman - You are going?

Ringman - Yes...

Tideman - To meet Count Chocula?

Ringman - Yes...

Tideman - Tonight?

Ringman - -sigh- Yes.

Tideman - At midnight?

Ringman - Yes.

(A pause follows.)

Tideman - To the castle?

(Ringman punches Tideman out.)

Ringman - So, he can shut up...

(Just as Ringman goes to get on the carriage, Kalinka walks up.)

Kalinka - Please, wear this... -holds up crucifix- ...for you mother's sake.

Ringman - I don't hve a mother.

Kalinka - Please, sir! You must... What?

Ringman - That's right. -smiles- I'm a test tube baby. -gets onto carriage-

(In the castle, Shademan walks up and looks at a coffin. A skeletal hand is sticking out of the coffin and a possom crawls into it.)

Shademan - -Romanian accent- That is disgusting...

(After reaching Borgo Pass, Magnetman shoves Ringman and his luggage out.)

Magnetman - Bail out!

(Ringman dusts himself off and walks up to Metalman, who sits on another carriage.)

Ringman - Crriage to Castle Chocula?

(Metalman stares at him wide-eyed.)

Ringman - Right, I'll just get in.

(While driving down a bumpy road, Ringman looks out the window.)

Ringman - Hey, driver!

(Ringman sees a rubber bat 'flying' and grows wide-eyed.)

Ringman - Not rubber bats! I have rubberbatophobia! -withdraws head-

(Inside the castle, Ringman looks around, notices three more rubber bats in the window and turns around panicky, noticing some armadillos.)

Ringman - The hell? Can vampires turn themselves into armadillos now? Even if they could, why would they? I mean...

(Shademan clears his throat and Ringman turns to him.)

Shademan - I am... Chocula.

(While walking up the stairs, an animal howls.)

Shademan - Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.

(Ringman listens, then walks to a window. His jaw drops when he sees a bunch of wolves doing the Macarena.)

Shademan - Delightful...

(Ringman uses his cane to tear a hole in a giant spider web, then walks through it as he sees a rubber spider crawling up the wall.)

Ringman - If there's one thing I fear more than rbber bats, it's rubber spiders.

Web Spider - You know, you're a real pussy.

(Ringman screams in terror and dashes up the stairs into a nice room where Shademan waits for him.)

Shademan - I didn't know if you would be hungry.

Ringman - What? No. I'm American.

(Shademan turns his head and mutters.)

Shademan - Blech! Americans have more fat than blood these days.

Ringman - Pardon?

Shademan - -turns back around- Nothing.

(Ringman finds his papers as Shademan walks back up to him.)

Ringman - Everything is in order awaiting your signature.

(Ringman looks up, showing that Shademan is holding a flashlight to his eyes.)

Ringman - Okay...

(As Ringman gets a paper cut, Shademan slowly moves in for the kill, but steps back when his crucifix falls down.)

Ringman - Nothing serious. Just a cut from the paper clip.

(Shademan starts and looks at him.)

Shademan - You're bleeding that badly from a cut you got... from a paper clip?

Ringman - Y-Yes...

Shademan - -snort- Pussy.

(As Shademan gives some wine to Ringman, Ringman throws the cup aside.)

Ringman - Give me that!

(Ringman grabs the flashlight and breaks it.)

Ringman - Happy?!

(Shademan is using another flashlight, shining it in his eyes.)

Ringman - Damn you...

(After Shademan leaves, Ringman opens his window, sees a rubber bat, and slams it shut, shattering it.)

Ringman - No! My only line of- Hey, babes!

(Kalinka, Roll, and Splash Woman all move towards him just as he faints for no reason. Shademan returns, now with his cape, and swings his arm, causing them to back off.)

Shademan - Be gone, you vampiric bitches!

(Later, on the S.S. Vampire On Board, Ringman opens Shademan's coffin.)

Ringman - You'll keep your promise, right? You'l give me lives, little ones with blood in them!

(Shademan shines a flashlight in his eyes.)

Ringman - I wish you wouldn't do that. That really bugs me. Bugs! I could eat bugs! Nummy-nummy bugs!

(Shademan rolls his eyes. After reaching England, the police open the hatchway and find Ringman laughing derangedly while playing Connect Four with himself.)

Fakeman - Look at him! The man's gone crazy!

(Somewhere in London, a girl is passing out flowers.)

Girl - Flowers. Violets for your butt, sir. Flowers for your butt.

(Shademan walks up and shines a flashlight in his eyes.)

Girl - ...you look ridiculous in that top hat.

Shademan - Do not! -runs off sobbing-

(After entering the opera house, he looks at an attendant and shines a flashlight in his eyes.)

Shademan - Obey.

(The attendant walks off and Shademan kisses his flashlight.)

Shademan - I love this flashlight.

(Shademan introduces himself to Elecman and he introduces his friends.)

Elecman - May I introduce my daughter, Mina?

Slashman - -smoking- What up?

Shademan - -cringe-

Elecman - My friend, Ms. Western.

Hardman - Yo.

Shademan - -bigger cringe-

Elecman - And my other friend, Mr. Eastern.

Auto - Say what?

Shademan - -sigh-

Splash Woman - Role change.

Slashman - Thank God.

Elecman - Allow me to reintroduce my daughter, Mina.

Splash Woman - Hi.

Shademan - -dunks arm- Oh wait... -shines flashlight in eyes for no reason-

(That night, Hardman is replaced with Plum, who sits in her bed reading, oblivious to the fact that a rubber bat is 'flying' in her window. Later, Plum's body, having fallen victim to Shademan's bloodlust, is being examined.)

Elecman - Why do we have mannequins watching us? Can't we get some actual people?

(At the sanitarium, Clownman sits on a bench.)

Clownman - You hear that? He probably wants his flies again. -uproarious laughter-

MSX - Stop, Clownman. -laughter continues- That's enough. -laughter continues- We're going to kill you. -laughter continues- Kill him.

(Several people jump Clownman and tear him to pieces. Inside a cell, Ringman goes to eat a small spider, but Web Spider appears and throws it out the window.)

Web Spider - Aren't you ashamed?

Ringman - Not really.

(Later, Elecman converses with Teasel.)

Teasel - You tell me that he escapes from his cell and leaves for hours. Where does he go?

Elecman - Oh, we've tracked him numerous times. He goes to a gay bar.

Ringman - Does not!

Elecman - Ah, Ringman. Come in.

Ringman - -comes in-

Teasel - Are you crazy?

Ringman - Me? Crazy? -spazs out- What gives you that idea?

Teasel - He's crazy. Take him away.

(That night, Ringman looks out his window and sees Shademan shining a flashlight in his eyes.)

Ringman - Master!

Shademan - Spontaneous appearance!

(Seconds later, Shademan spontaneously appears in Splash Woman's room. As Shademan moves in for the kill, it appears that he's crying.)

MSX - Just suck it up, you pansy.

Shademan - -looks up- That was bad...

(Just as Teasel, Elecman, and Auto look at Splash Woman's neck, Auto gasps.)

Auto - What could've caused these?

Maid - Count Chocula.

Shadman - I did! I mean, caused what?

(As Shademan converses with Elecman and Splash Woman, Teasel and Auto look at a mirror in the cigar box.)

Teasel - No reflection.

Auto - Actually, there's a piece of glass missing.

(Auto pulls out a hand mirror and holds it up, showing that Shademan does have a reflection.)

Teasel - Oh...

(After Splash Woman leaves, Teasel hands Shademan the cigar box.)

Teasel - -opens box- Cigar?

(Shademan knocks it out of his hand.)

Shademan - My apologies. There was a rather large ant on them.

(While Teasel, Auto, and Elecman talk about vampires, Shademan stands outside of Splash Woman's window.)

Shademan - Come to me...

(Splash Woman motions to her fin.)

Shademan - -sigh- Coming...

(Just as Ringman enters the room, a rubber bat appears in the window, causing him to faint.)

Teasel - Close the window, get some brandy, and wake his ass up. I've got a few questions I want to ask him.

(Just then, a maid runs in.)

Maid - Splash Woman's dead!

(Every man in the country hurries to the scene of the accident, causing the maid to faint for no reason and causing Ringman to act like he's in the musical Cats.)

Ringman - Time for Happy Time!

(A few days later, Shadowman looks at the newspaper.)

Drillman - What's it say?

Shadowman - Nothing much. Says child pornography is on the rise.

Drillman - -clicks tongue- How sad... Wait... Child porn?!

Shadowman - Wait! Just some woman attacking children.

Drillman - -sighs- For a second there, I thought that we actually had to worry about something serious.

(That night, Auto walks up to Elecman.)

Auto - Splash Woman comes with me or I'll call the police. Get your things pack.

Splash Woman - Fuck you. If I'm gonna get screwed by someone, it's not going to be with someone who's got a screw in his head.

Auto - -runs away sobbing-

(Later, Shademan watches from the window as Ringman talks about rats.)

Shademan - -raises eyebrow- Okay, this guy's lost it. Guess I'll have to find a new assistant... -walks off-

(Just as everyone goes to leave, Shademan appears and stops Teasel.)

Teasel - Time for our big showdown.

Shademan - Indeed. -holds hand forward- Come here.

Teasel - -stands still-

Shademan - Come... here.

Teasel - -stands still-

Shademan - -sigh- Please come here.

Teasel - 'Bout time. -walks forward-

Shademan - I'm going to kill you.

(Shademan lunges forward, but Teasel pulls a Carebears movie from his coat. Shademan turns, hisses, and dashes away.)

Teasel - What the...? This isn't my crucifix. This isn't even mine...

(Upstairs, Auto finds Splash Woman on the terrace.)

Splash Woman - I'm a vampire now.

Auto - Sweet.

Shademan - Very...

Auto - What the...?!

(Shademan turns into a rubber bat and 'flies' off.)

Auto - The hell...?

(Just as Splash Woman goes to kill Auto, Shadowman fires a shotgun into the air.)

Shadowman - It's that bat again!

Teasel - No need wasting your bullets.

Shadowman - It's okay. I'm using the infinite ammo cheat! -fires shotgun into the air-

(Later, Shademan stands outside as Yamatoman goes to the window.)

Shademan - Open.

(Yamatoman opens the window.)

Shademan - Now... get a better name.

(A few minutes later, Shademan carries Splash Woman into the abbey.)

Shademan - -straining- You know, you should really lay off the cake. It goes straights to your thighs.

Splash Woman - But I don't have any thighs.

Shademan - Yeah, you don't have feet either.

(Just as they enter Shademan's 'castle', Ringman appears.)

Ringman - I lead them here, mster!

Shademan - Fool! -chokeslams him- The chokeslam... the only way to kill a vampire...

(As Auto and Teasel enter, Teasel lids the lids to one of the coffins, revealing Shademan sleeping with a porno magazine on his chest. Teasel grabs a stake and drives it through Shademan's heart.)

Shademan - Blah! -dies-

(Auto and Splash Woman go to leave.)

Auto - Aren't you coming?

Teasel - Not yet.

(Auto and Splash Woman go up the stairs as the parody ends.)

MSX - What... What did Van Helsing have to do? -sigh- I have these shitty 1930 movie endings...


	11. Children Of The Corn

Elecman - When is there going to be another crossover parody. We actually liked those...

MSX - I got rid of them.

Elecman - What?!

MSX - Hey, I got something better instead! An 'All' parody!

* * *

RPN: 104

Parody: Children of the Corn

Tribute: n/a

Cast: All

* * *

(As the parody opens, a cornfield is shown. MSX picks up the DVD remote, clicks a button, and his jaw drops.)

MSX - What?! No subtitles?! -growl- Note to self: massacre... -looks at back of case- ...Fritz Kiersch's friends! That'll teach 'im! -mad laughter-

(After several scenes of empoty farmland, a window appears with 'Corn Drought And The Lord' on it. The camera looks up into Heaven.)

Corn Drought - Got any sixes?

God - Go fish.

Corn Drought - Damn...

(People begin walking out of church as a younger Vent appears.)

_Vent - -narrating- It was about three years ago. I was the only kid in church that day, mainly because all the other kids didn't trust the Catholic priest. I didn't know why, nor did my dad. Afterwards, we went to Fat Tony's, as always. My mom was at home with Aile becuase she'd come down with hydrophobie real sudden, so the first thing he did was go and call my mom._

Grey - I'm going to call your mother.

_Vent - -narrating- See? That's when I saw Middy. He looked at me real creepy..._

(Middy turns to Vent and raises an eyebrow, causing Vent to shudder.)

_Vent - -narrating- ...guess their meeting with Allouette was over..._

(Allouette looks at Middy through the window and slowly nods. Middy slowly nods as well and Techno locks the door. Suddenly, a bunch of old people start choking and the trio begin killing everyone. Grey runs towards Vent, but the trio kill him. After they leave, Vent looks around.)

Vent - Better finish my shake. -continues drinking-

_Vent - -narrating- That's when Aile started drawing these pictures._

(Haunting music begins playing as several pictures involve the worship of Barney, Mr. Rogers, Big Bird, and the Teletubbies are shown. The scene changes to the inside of a hotel room where Alia uses an airhorn next to X's ear. He reflexively punches her out and rolls over. When he wakes up, Alia has a black eye and a cupcake with a candle in it.)

Alia - Make a wish.

(X blows it out.)

Alia -What'd you wish for?

X - More sleep. -rolls over- Would you look at that... -falls asleep-

(She hands him a turd in a box, then smiles.)

Alia - You know what we need? -turns on _Baby's Got Back_ and begins singing along-

(They embrace on the bed as someone knocks.)

Ahnold - Sarah Conner?

Alia - Uh... No?

Ahnold - Oh... Okay. Thank you. -leaves-

(Elsewhere, an older Vent and Aile run into a barn with Girouette.)

_Vent - -narrating- I wasn't scared._

Vent - I'm scared.

_Vent - -narrating- Well, I wasn't that scared..._

Vent - I've never been so scared in my life...

_Vent - -narrating- Work with me..._

Grio - You'll be fine just as long as Allouette doesn't find those drawings you've made. Or that boombox.

Aile - I gotta get my daily dose of Crue, man. So quit'cha bitchin'.

Giro - Fine. Just don't tell anyone that I'm gone okay.

Aile/ Vent - Okay.

Giro - Cross your hearts and hope to die.

Vent - I'll cross my heart, but that last part seems kind of... over-the-top...

Giro - Say it or you'll burn on the lake of fire for eternity.

Aile - We've got a name for that you know. It's called Hell.

Vent - Yeah. You're older, but we're smarter. So get going.

Giro - Fine!

(After a while, haunting music starts playing again as Giro looks at corn with an unnatural level of fear. Suddenly, someone sneaks up behind him and kills him.)

Someone - Shank!

Giro - -gets shanked- Oh noes! -dies-

(A car with no passengers is driving down the road.)

Alia - Oh yeah! -gets in car with X-

(Alia looks at a map just as X hits Giro.)

X - Let me see. -looks at Alia's head- Head cancer. Nothing serious.

(X flips Giro over, comforts Alia, watches her walk back to the car, then turns around to see that Giro's body has flipped back onto its' stomach.)

X - ...the hell?

(Someone watches X from the cornfield. He pulls a stalk of corn in front of his eyes, waits a few seconds, then puts it back to its' originmal position.)

Someone - I've seen enough...

(Just as Someone is sneaking up behind Alia to kill her, she wakes up in a cold sweat.)

Alia - -screaming- Cliche!! Cliche!!

_Vent - -narrating- AIle and I used to play in our old house a lot. Middy said it was forbidden, but that's because I think that it was because no one had ever asked him to play._

_Aile - -joins in- Yeah, it's not like the kid's crazy or anything._

_Vent - -mumbling- Shut up and let me narrate._

Aile - What if Alouette gets a 'Get out of jail free' card?

Vent - -tosses cards into air- What card?

(A knife slams down in the middle of the board. It is stabbed through the 'Get out of jail free card'.)

Middy - That one.

_Vent - -narrating- He took us straight to Alouette._

Alouette - You have the gift of sight. This is a blessing, my child. Take them back where they were.

Middy - But they had a game and music!

Alouette - If you do not do as I say, _you_ will have _my_ foot in _your_ ass. Comprende?

(At some place, Barrell is fixing a car.)

Data - Toss me a six.

(Data tosses a large foam number 6.)

Barrell - Dammit!. Better make it an 8.

(After talking to Barrell, X and Alia drive off.)

X - I think that old man is senile.

Alia - What about his 'dog'?

(Data begins yelling 'Bark! Bark!', then runs into the cornfield. After driving a ways, X yells.)

X - What is this, Monopoly?!

Alia - -points left- Go that way.

(Two large dice land nearby.)

X - Five spaces. Let's go. -turns left-

(Back at the station, Barrell opens up the hood to find Data's body on a spike.)

Barrell - That wasn't there before.

(Barrell closes the hood, reopens it, and finds a sexy woman underneath it.)

Splash Woman - Hi.

Barrell - Score!

(Barrell takes Splash Woman into the garage for some 'happy time', but Middy and Techno kill him for no specific reason. Later, Alouette preachs about her 'vision'.)

Alouette - He will have much power. More power than the blue man.

Everybody - All hail the blue man.

(Skullman, dressed in blue and perched like a scarecrow, turns to the camera.)

Skullman - I don't know what's creepier. The fact that they worship a skeleton or the fact that this is a cult made of kids.

(As X and Aile drive down a random road, they pass by a sign saying 'Galton: The Nicest Little Town In The Country', causing MSX to stifle a snicker. After reaching the town, nearly having their car stolen, and driving away, X slowly smirks.)

Alia - Don't...

X - I have to.

Alia - Don't.

X - I have to.

Alia - I'm warning you.

X - I have to.

Alia - I'll kill y-

X - This place is really corny.

(X begins laughing loudly as Alia strangles him. After Alia stops, the two enter a house and find Aile.)

Alia - Hi there.

Aile - Hi.

Record Player - I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny-

X - Uh...

Aile - It's my favorite song...

X - Right... I'm going to check out town hall.

Alia - Alone?

X - Yeah.

Alia - Are we safe?

X - Oh yeah.

Aile - -stifled snort-

X - What?

Aile - Nothing.

(While X is moving around town, he passes by a window that says, 'Wash me'. Upon conveniently finding a picture of Alia being sacrificed, X begins to run back to the house just as she's being taken away.)

Alia - Help me!

Ahnold - Take her to the cornfield. Sarah Conner must die. Tonight, we sacrifice her to God. Yes... All hail the blue man... -walks off-

(In the cornfield, they tie Alia to a cross, lift her up, then begin chanting 'Boobs! Boobs! Boobs!' In the church, X looks around in digust.)

X - You little bastards... You do it like this!

(X takes the knife, cuts off the man's arm, then soaks the girl in the blood.)

X - Now, take her to be sacrificed!

(The kids grab her and run off.)

X - And now... -stabs himself- I'm off!

(X begins running and is soon pursued by Middy. Just as X is cornered, Middy walks up.)

Middy - Look at me!

(Everyone looks at him, allowing X to run off.)

Middy - I didn't say Simon Says. Now catch him and repent!

(Inside a dark building, X strikes Middy over the head.)

X - Nyuk-nyuk. -smashes face in wall- Aw, fuck... -chuckles- I rhymed...

(After X gets away, Middy takes over and has Alouette swiotch places with Alia.)

Alouette - Blasphemer! Kill him! You will burn in the pits of raging fire forever! Heretic! Other nasty religious references! -random, absurd yelling-

(In the town, Middy byells with Alia at his side.)

Middy - Outlander! COme out or her life is mine!

(Middy goes to cut her with the machete, but Alia stops him.)

Alia - He's deaf.

Middy - Really? Oh...

(Middy chops off her hand, causing Alia to scream.)

Middy - Outlander! Maybe this will teach you to be deaf!

(That night, Alouette is covered in some kind of red ooze, then the cross she's tied to blasts off into outer space.)

Astronaut #1 - Houstan, we have a visual on what appears to be a young girl tied to a cross.

Alouette - -softly- Blasphemers! Heretics! Assholes!

Astronaut #2 - Scratch that, Houstan. It's just some bitch on her period.

Alouette - -softly- God will punish you all!

(After a subpar fight scene between X and Middy, Alouette spontaneously reappears, still crispy as ever.)

Alouette - -demonic tone- I will devour your soul, Middy. How dare you have a punny name!

(Inside the barn, Alia rips off part of Vent's vest.)

Vent - That's not a rag! -backhands Alia-

(Outside, X uses gasoline to activate the sprinklers, soaking the cornfield in the flammable liquid. He stands up and notices a large red cloud that forms the words 'You're fucked!')

X - Can't be a good sign.

(After throwing the Molotov cocktail, X, Alia, Vent, and Aile all share a hug until Vent starts.)

Vent - Look!

(Random explosions take place in the field.)

X - Flashy, but pointless...

(X reaches in the car just as Niege sits up.)

Niege - You must die!

(She misses by a mile and is knocked out cold by the door.)

Alia - Bitch.

X - So, an entire movie about a kiddie cult and an evil cornfield... How does Stephen King do it?

(A muscular Stephen King walks up.)

Stephen King - With steroids!

(He swallows some pills, then flies into the air, leaving the four speechless.)


End file.
